Poetry · Chapters
Chapters explained
Chapter companions for Poetry by Ring Lardner.
Chapter 1
Clever Class Poem
A nostalgic poem celebrating the Class of Nineteen-One, recounting the personalities and achievements of each classmate as they prepare to graduate.
Chapter 2
In the Wake of the News
A collection of humorous verses and reflections on baseball, journalism, and family life, blending satire with affectionate observations.
Chapter 3
Opening Chorus
The narrator bids farewell to a wide array of friends, acquaintances, and places, signaling a departure from a lively, wandering lifestyle.
Chapter 4
A Split Century
A poetic parody of Tennyson's 'The Charge of the Light Brigade,' this chapter uses baseball imagery to depict a tense at-bat where the batter, Zim, silently takes a called third strike, splitting the century and highlighting themes of stoicism and miscommunication.
Chapter 5
Monday
The narrator explains why the Monday column is shorter than usual, recounting a conversation with a friend and a directive from his boss to take one day off per week from writing the full 'Wake' column.
Chapter 6
Heine's Soliloquy
A parody of Hamlet's soliloquy, this chapter presents a baseball player's internal conflict over whether to protest an umpire's bad call or remain silent to avoid losing money. The speaker ultimately decides to suppress his anger for financial reasons, reflecting on how money makes cowards of us all.
Chapter 7
Just Now—
A satirical and humorous chapter that mocks a baseball team's ineptitude, cataloging their many failures and blunders in a playful, exaggerated manner.
Chapter 8
Come On, You Roseate Day!
The chapter is a poetic exhortation to a writer (likely a baseball journalist or poet) to keep producing bright, witty work without resting on past successes. It warns against complacency, urging continuous effort and creativity, while hinting that a final rest may come only in the distant future.
Chapter 9
To the New One
A humorous and affectionate poem addressed to a newborn named Phil, reflecting on the joys and challenges of being a boy, contrasting it with the imagined life of a girl named Barbara, and offering a lighthearted welcome to the world.
Chapter 10
West Town Storm
The narrator struggles to find a subject for a poem during a stormy night, with the lights flickering on and off, disrupting their train of thought and creative flow.
Chapter 11
This Afternoon
The narrator reflects on the discomfort of being forced to endure cold weather at a baseball game, contrasting his own compulsory attendance with the fans' voluntary presence.
Chapter 12
Baseball—A Sport
A satirical poem criticizing the commercialization of baseball, contrasting the ideal of playing for fun with the reality of players and magnates motivated by money.
Chapter 13
The Youngest One Breaks In
The chapter celebrates the milestone of Brother Jim speaking his first word, 'Daddy,' with humorous and triumphant fanfare, dismissing worldly concerns in light of this family event.
Chapter 14
To the Man Higher Up
The narrator reflects on the creative process, contrasting the quality of work done at home versus in the office, and humorously petitions the boss for a private room to improve his output.
Chapter 15
To the Latest
The narrator addresses a newborn family member, expressing love and a protective desire to spare the child from being named after him and enduring the same teasing he faces.
Chapter 16
Help Wanted
The narrator expresses a mix of affection and exasperation in caring for a child, finding most duties tolerable except for the endless stream of questions.
Chapter 17
The Eternal Question
A humorous poem about the exasperating nature of a child's persistent 'What for?' questions, suggesting that constant inquiry might drive a parent to madness or premature aging.
Chapter 18
Exit Madge
The chapter laments the departure of Madge, who has moved back to the city, leaving behind a young lover and a neighborhood that feels dismal and dreary without her cheerful presence. Her nurse, who cared for the narrator's son, has also left, compounding the sense of loss.
Chapter 19
A Mysterious Antipathy
The chapter explores the inexplicable hostility that Brother Jim feels toward his younger sibling, No. 3, despite the baby's harmless nature and the affection shown by others.
Chapter 20
Parting
A father contemplates leaving his three young sons to travel to far eastern lands, expressing concern about how they will cope in his absence while acknowledging they will likely manage fine without him.
Chapter 21
First Aid
The narrator humorously praises a rhyming dictionary as a handy tool for finding rhymes for difficult words, but laments that it cannot help with deciding what to actually write about.
Chapter 22
Obituary
The narrator writes a mournful tribute to Christy, expressing deep sorrow and a wish for eternal flowers on his grave in Cincinnati.
Chapter 23
Today's Results
The narrator delivers a playful, rhyming set of predictions for a Saturday of college football games across the Midwest and East, naming teams and outcomes with a mix of confidence and self-deprecating humor.
Chapter 24
Exalted Above His Fellows
The narrator humorously elevates his son John's pride and joy over his case of chicken pox above all other notable achievements and successes, from opera singers to military leaders, athletes, and politicians. The poem contrasts the attention and pampering John receives while sick with the neglect of others in the family, ending with a playful wish to catch the illness himself for the same treatment.
Chapter 25
Valentines
The chapter is a series of valentine poems addressed to various newspaper staff roles, playfully teasing their jobs and quirks.
Chapter 26
The New Club Boss
A brief poetic introduction to William Veeck, emphasizing the correct pronunciation of his name.
Chapter 27
Bib Ballads
A collection of lighthearted poems celebrating the joys, frustrations, and everyday moments of parenthood and early childhood, from the author's perspective as a father.
Chapter 28
Goodbye Bill
The narrator bids farewell to a cherished dollar bill, torn between personal indulgences and the pressing needs of the household, as a voice from the easy chair reminds him of practical necessities like shoes, clothing, and stockings.
Chapter 29
A Visit from Young Gloom
A poem describing a young stranger (a baby) who visits the house and behaves miserably—crying, screaming, and quarreling constantly—until finally leaving, allowing the return of the child the family is fond of.
Chapter 30
An Appreciative Audience
The narrator reflects on the ease of making children laugh compared to adults, expressing a wish to perform on stage where simple antics would be met with delight rather than the pressure of crafting sophisticated humor.
Chapter 31
Discipline
A father attempts to discipline his child after a tantrum over a doughnut, but the child's defiant spirit and innocent smile undermine the punishment.
Chapter 32
Inexpensive Guests
The narrator humorously reflects on having three doll guests—Indian Chief, Funny Man, and Rollo—at every meal, noting that despite the extra company, the grocery bill hasn't increased because they don't actually eat.
Chapter 33
His Sense of Humor
A parent reflects on the differences between their own sense of humor and that of their son, finding the boy's pranks—like soaking slippers in the sink, filling a hat with dirt, and letting chickens loose—more exasperating than amusing.
Chapter 34
Speech Economy
The narrator reflects on the efficiency and charm of a child's abbreviated speech, finding that simple sounds and truncated phrases convey meaning more effectively than full sentences.
Chapter 35
Welcome to Spring
The chapter celebrates the arrival of spring, not for its natural beauty, but for the relief it brings to parents from the tedious chore of bundling young children in heavy winter clothing.
Chapter 36
Taste
A parent observes their child's puzzling preference for a simple, everyday object—daddy's old hat and the telephone book—over the elaborate toys and picture books intended for them, reflecting on the whimsical and unpredictable nature of a child's taste.
Chapter 37
Riddles
A playful series of rhetorical questions that challenge the logic of childhood preferences, contrasting the fun of making a mess with the tedium of cleaning up, and the joy of defacing books with the indifference to discarded magazines.
Chapter 38
Hesitation
The speaker is tasked with waking a child from a nap but hesitates, observing the child's joyful sleep and imagining the pleasant dreams they might be having. The speaker reflects on the cruelty of interrupting such bliss and hopes the boss would also delay the duty if they saw the child's happiness.
Chapter 39
His Wonderful Choo-Choos
The narrator reflects on the joy and frustration of a child's imaginative play with toy trains, marveling at the creativity involved in building them but lamenting the mess left behind.
Chapter 40
Cousinly Affection
A playful poetic reflection on a child's love for their younger cousin, Paull, exploring the humorous and affectionate dynamics of their relationship, where the older child's rough affection is met with Paull's gentle tolerance.
Chapter 41
My Baby's Garden
A poem describing a baby's garden planted near a rubbish pile, where the child tends to withered flowers with a sprinkling can and hoe, evoking a mix of pride and pity.
Chapter 42
Decision Reversed
The narrator describes the frustration and irritation of Christmas shopping in crowded conditions, only to have his perspective transformed when he sees his child's joyful face on Christmas morning.
Chapter 43
The Grocery Man and the Bear
The narrator describes a child's fascination with a new, improbable story called 'The Grocery Man and the Bear,' which becomes a favorite that the child requests repeatedly, surpassing all other toys and tales.
Chapter 44
Coming Home
The chapter is a poem celebrating the chaotic and joyful return of a child to the home after a long absence, contrasting the quiet order of the house during the child's absence with the anticipated mess and noise of their return.
Chapter 45
His Imagination
A father reflects on the boundless power of a child's imagination, contrasting it with the limitations of adulthood and the need for material wealth to find joy.
Chapter 46
His Memory
The narrator contrasts his young son's ability to quickly forget pain and remember promises with his own tendency to dwell on unpleasant obligations like bills and unfinished work, expressing envy for the child's selective memory.
Chapter 47
Confession
The narrator describes a unique method of detecting wrongdoing in his son: rather than solving a crime by finding the culprit, he already knows the culprit (his son) and must deduce what mischief has occurred based on the boy's guilty behavior.
Chapter 48
His Lady Friend
The narrator, likely a parent, addresses a young son who has become infatuated with a girl named Sylvia, abandoning his family each morning to be with her. The poem expresses jealousy and concern, questioning whether the attraction is to her toys or to her personally, and advises patience.
Chapter 49
Declaration of Independence
A poetic reflection on a child's newfound insistence on independence, rejecting parental assistance in daily activities like being lifted, fed, or seated. The narrator admires this spirit while wistfully acknowledging the passage of time.
Chapter 50
The Eternal Greeting
A poetic reflection on a father's homecoming, where his child's eager question 'Daddy, what have you got for me?' reveals a transactional yet affectionate relationship, highlighting the tension between emotional presence and material gifts.
Chapter 51
Guess Again
A child offers to help daddy with work, but the offer is a pretext for play. Daddy reluctantly agrees, knowing the child's true intent is to engage in games and fun rather than actual labor.
Chapter 52
Nearly a Sinecure
The narrator observes his young child pretending to go to the office, only to return home moments later, and humorously envies the child's effortless job.
Chapter 53
The Heckuses
The narrator reflects on the Heckus family, whom their son has repeatedly claimed are coming to dinner. Skeptical of their existence, the narrator muses that the Heckuses may be a product of the child's imagination, yet describes the family members as the child has portrayed them.
Chapter 54
His Favorite Role
The chapter presents a poetic reflection on the boundless potential of childhood imagination, questioning why a child would choose to role-play as a garbage man when they could imagine themselves as anything from president to baseball star. It explores the tension between limitless possibility and the choice of a humble, everyday occupation.
Chapter 55
The Paths of Rashness
The chapter uses poetic examples of a birdman and a bandit to illustrate the consequences of reckless behavior, then directly addresses a child who habitually hugs girls in public, warning that such rashness will eventually lead to harm.
Chapter 56
The New Plaything
The narrator anticipates the reaction of a young boy upon meeting his new baby brother, wondering whether he will be delighted, indifferent, or upset by the new arrival.
Chapter 57
Regular Fellows I Have Met
A series of humorous, rhyming character sketches celebrating a diverse array of businessmen, lawyers, politicians, and other professionals from Chicago and beyond, each described with a playful quatrain that highlights their quirks, hobbies, or achievements.
Chapter 58
Lawrence R. Adams
Lawrence R. Adams, president and general manager of the Brevoort Hotel Company in Chicago, is quoted as saying that it speaks well for a hotelier when a departing guest would go to hell for him.
Chapter 59
B. F. Affleck
A short poem celebrating the connection between poor road conditions and the future demand for Portland Cement, presented from the perspective of B. F. Affleck, president of the Universal Portland Cement Company.
Chapter 60
Geo. S. Albaugh
A brief poetic portrait of Geo. S. Albaugh, a Chicago manufacturer whose den is adorned with numerous hunting trophies, covering even the sofa.
Chapter 61
J. N. Armstrong
A brief poetic tribute to J. N. Armstrong, manager of Western Union in Chicago, who was wounded at the Marne and recounts a story involving a nurse.
Chapter 62
Col. Bion J. Arnold
A brief, playful tribute to Col. Bion J. Arnold, an engineer from Chicago, highlighting his sound advice and his wartime service in the air before returning to civilian life.
Chapter 63
Nathan Ascher
A brief, humorous poem expressing disappointment in Nathan Ascher, a movie exhibitor, for failing to build a playhouse that week, suggesting a loss of faith in his vigor.
Chapter 64
Phil DeC. Ball
A brief poetic tribute to Phil DeC. Ball, owner of the St. Louis Browns, celebrating his name and his baseball team's place in another city.
Chapter 65
Jas. A. Ballard
A brief, humorous poem about Jas. A. Ballard, Sales Manager of Semet Solvay Co. in Detroit, who praises a man named Jim for not overcharging him for coal, treating him fairly as if he were a stranger.
Chapter 66
F. L. Bateman
A brief, playful poem expressing gratitude to F. L. Bateman, president of the Trans-Continental Freight Co., for his role as a freightman, with a humorous wish that others were as efficient.
Chapter 67
Richard Beamish
A brief limerick about Richard Beamish, managing editor of the Philadelphia Press, who finds humor in the Cheese-Cutters' demand for a seven-hour workday while he himself struggles to complete his work in twenty-four hours.
Chapter 68
Ross J. Beatty
A brief poetic tribute to Ross J. Beatty, a steel manufacturer from Chicago, highlighting his skill in both speech and steel tempering, and suggesting that onlookers have no real reason to fear him.
Chapter 69
John D. Black
A brief humorous quip from John D. Black, a Chicago lawyer, who jokes that Rockefeller's Standard Oil Company would be struggling if not for the gas it sells to another John D.
Chapter 70
H. H. Blum
A brief, humorous verse about a women's wear dealer in Chicago who skillfully persuades a customer to purchase a fur coat she didn't initially intend to buy.
Chapter 71
John Borden
A brief limerick-style tribute to John Borden, a Chicago capitalist whose yacht served in wartime, suggesting his contribution was pivotal to the Allied effort.
Chapter 72
Ralph Bradley
A limerick about Ralph Bradley, General Counsel for the North Shore Electric in Chicago, who could ride on a pass from his boss but prefers the fresh air and a seat on a horse.
Chapter 73
F. A. Brewer
A short limerick about F. A. Brewer, an investment banker from Chicago, humorously suggesting he has fished most of the trout out of Canada despite rumors to the contrary.
Chapter 74
Col. Benj. G. Brinkman
A brief, humorous verse celebrating Colonel Benjamin G. Brinkman, a banker and chairman of the board of the St. Louis Cardinals, highlighting his versatility and prominence in St. Louis society, particularly his role in the Liederkranz club.
Chapter 75
A. F. Brockman
A brief poetic tribute to A. F. Brockman, a department manager at The Fair in Chicago, highlighting his integrity and consistency in both golf and business.
Chapter 76
John E. Bruce
A brief, humorous poem celebrating John E. Bruce, a lawyer from Cincinnati, for his legal skill and his endearing personal qualities.
Chapter 77
Edward J. Brundage
A brief, satirical poem addressing Edward J. Brundage, the Attorney General of Illinois, expressing a mix of personal liking and disapproval over his ruling that only beer with half a percent alcohol could be sold.
Chapter 78
Col. Geo. T. Buckingham
A brief limerick-style introduction to Col. Geo. T. Buckingham, a Chicago lawyer known for his legal expertise, particularly in laws concerning fish.
Chapter 79
Eugene Byfield
A brief poetic tribute to Eugene Byfield, manager of the Sherman Hotel in Chicago, highlighting his skill at polo and the ironic comparison between the dangers of the sport and the challenges of managing the hotel.
Chapter 80
Geo. B. Caldwell
A brief, satirical character sketch of Geo. B. Caldwell, president of Sperry & Hutchinson Co., suggesting that despite his charming public image, he is obsessively fixated on intensified farming.
Chapter 81
Richard Carle
A brief poetic tribute to actor Richard Carle, highlighting his unique reputation among fellow stars for being universally well-regarded and free from criticism.
Chapter 82
Edward B. Carson
A brief poetic profile of Edward B. Carson, President of Carson Petroleum Co. in Chicago, contrasting his high-stakes oil business with the comparatively tame game of poker he plays in his leisure time.
Chapter 83
Wm. H. Clare
A brief satirical commentary on the appointment of Wm. H. Clare as Collector of Customs in Chicago, expressing skepticism about his ability to curb the local custom of drinking.
Chapter 84
Philip R. Clarke
A brief, humorous quatrain about Philip R. Clarke, president of Federal Securities Corp. in Chicago, who wishes for an all-year-round baseball season instead of winter.
Chapter 85
Frank R. Coates
A brief poetic tribute to Frank R. Coates, president of the Toledo Railways & Light Company, highlighting his role in providing light and transportation to the community.
Chapter 86
F. Y. Coffin
A short, humorous verse about an insurance man named F. Y. Coffin, suggesting that even the toughest men die softly, but death loses its sting if you have insurance with Coffin.
Chapter 87
Charles A. Comiskey
A brief limerick honoring Charles A. Comiskey, President of the Chicago White Sox, expressing admiration for his character and a playful nod to his son Lou.
Chapter 88
J. T. Connery
A brief poetic tribute to J. T. Connery, a coal man and president of the Edgewater Beach Hotel in Chicago, who built the hotel to address the city's shortage of classy accommodations and turned Chicago into a summer resort.
Chapter 89
Judge Geo. A. Cooke
A brief, humorous poem about Judge Geo. A. Cooke, a Chicago lawyer who enjoyed hunting raccoons along the Mississippi River until a bee, sharing a tree with a raccoon, stung him on the lip.
Chapter 90
David Copland
A brief, humorous poem directed at David Copland, Vice President of General American Tank Car Corp. in Chicago, playfully scolding him for taking out his frustrations on the golf stick or caddy, and noting the absurdity of doing so at a regular club while wearing a Lincoln Park hat.
Chapter 91
F. A. Cotharin
A brief, humorous poem about an insurance salesman who has sold a policy to the narrator, who jokingly vows to die before the next premium is due.
Chapter 92
Frederick D. Countiss
A humorous limerick about Frederick D. Countiss, a banker and broker in Chicago, suggesting that his charitable giving might be excessive and incurable.
Chapter 93
F. A. Crandall
A playful, whimsical poem about F. A. Crandall, a banker from Chicago, who is humorously challenged to catch fish from a tree, with a trout laughing at the absurdity.
Chapter 94
Thos. Cusack
A brief, whimsical tribute to Thos. Cusack, a sign painter in Chicago, suggesting that his work transforms the city's scenery annually and that belief in signs comes with financial stability.
Chapter 95
Charles H. Dean
A brief, whimsical tribute to Charles H. Dean, a sporting goods manufacturer in Chicago, emphasizing his role in outfitting athletes and the essential nature of his presence at sporting events.
Chapter 96
Ex-Gov. Chas. S. Deneen
A brief satirical verse praising Charley Deneen's political influence in Chicago, noting his quiet but effective leadership as a Republican boss.
Chapter 97
P. L. Deutsch
A brief, humorous character sketch of P. L. Deutsch, an assistant secretary at Brunswick-Balke-Collender Co. in Chicago, focusing on his restrained and profane reactions to different golfing mishaps.
Chapter 98
John B. De Voney
A brief, whimsical portrait of John B. De Voney, a Chicago real estate agent whose storytelling prowess and knowledge of lots and plots lead clients to sign agreements before he finishes his tales.
Chapter 99
J. W Douglass
A playful limerick about J. W. Douglass, a Chicago stock broker who would rather be fishing than selling stocks.
Chapter 100
George B. Dryden
A brief, playful tribute to George B. Dryden, highlighting his diverse talents as a marksman, angler, racer, and businessman.
Chapter 101
Harry W. Dubiske
A brief, satirical verse about Harry W. Dubiske, an investment banker in Chicago who teaches young salesmen the art of selling, with a wry comment on surviving a dry spell.
Chapter 102
Robert J. Dunham
A brief, humorous poem praising Robert J. Dunham, Vice-President of Armour & Co., in Chicago, defending him against the typical criticisms leveled by newspaper men against packers.
Chapter 103
J. C. Dunn
A brief, humorous portrait of J. C. Dunn, a railroad contractor and president of the Cleveland Indians, known for telling a single story about his team's loss and vowing to give them 'hell' next year.
Chapter 104
Ex. Gov. E. F. Dunne
A brief poetic endorsement of former Governor E. F. Dunne, expressing confidence in his future electoral success and the support of his many young relatives.
Chapter 105
Clarence A. Earl
A brief poetic tribute to Clarence A. Earl, an automobile manufacturer from Toledo, highlighting his success with the Overland automobile and a playful suggestion that more advertising could have boosted sales.
Chapter 106
Albert N. Eastman
A brief, poetic tribute to Albert N. Eastman, a lawyer from Chicago, celebrating his connection to the rugged wilderness of the Shoshone, glaciers, bears, and porcupines.
Chapter 107
Col. Chas. H. Ebbets
A brief poetic tribute to Colonel Charles H. Ebbets, president of the Brooklyn National League Baseball Club, humorously suggesting that if he were in charge, the baseball season would stretch from New Year's to Christmas.
Chapter 108
Wm. G. Edens
A brief poetic tribute to Wm. G. Edens, a banker and president of the Illinois Highway Improvement Association, who is depicted as a forceful advocate for better roads, wielding both labor and threat to achieve his goal.
Chapter 109
Howard Elting
A brief poetic tribute to Howard Elting, a paint manufacturer from Chicago, highlighting the contrast between his professional sphere and his genuine, unpretentious character.
Chapter 110
Victor Elting
A brief, humorous poem about Victor Elting, a Chicago lawyer, who is described as being prepared for hunting various animals, with a punchline about the narrator's realization that snowshoes are meant to be worn.
Chapter 111
Uriah S. Epperson
A brief profile of Uriah S. Epperson, president of the Epperson Land & Investment Co. in Kansas City, Missouri, highlighting his initials that spell 'Use' and his role in facilitating the city's acquisition of new parks.
Chapter 112
Samuel A. Ettelson
A brief poetic tribute to Samuel A. Ettelson, Corporation Counsel of Chicago, praising his wisdom and skill as a legal adviser, with a personal anecdote about seeing him play in a ball game.
Chapter 113
Chas. (Chick) Evans
A brief poetic tribute to Chick Evans, comparing the narrator's golfing skill to that of the famous golfer, with a humorous nod to the dismay of playing partners.
Chapter 114
John Fletcher
A brief poetic portrait of banker John Fletcher, suggesting that his job is not as easy or enviable as it appears from the outside.
Chapter 115
Herman Friestedt
A brief poetic tribute to Herman Friestedt, a Chicago contractor praised for building cantonments for soldiers, though he is modest until asked about his recent moose hunting experience.
Chapter 116
Col. John J. Garrity
A brief poetic tribute to Col. John J. Garrity, Superintendent of Police in Chicago, highlighting his effective and terse speeches that strike fear into criminals.
Chapter 117
Geo. F. Getz
A brief, whimsical poem inviting the reader to visit George Getz's private zoo, with a humorous emphasis on the quality of the meals served there.
Chapter 118
Harry R. Gibbons
A brief poetic tribute to Harry R. Gibbons, the County Treasurer of Chicago, highlighting a shared love for the White Sox despite political differences, and acknowledging his role in making Rogers Park safe for the Democratic Party.
Chapter 119
William A. (Kid) Gleason
A brief poetic tribute to Kid Gleason, manager of the Chicago White Sox, expressing a desire for his lifelong commitment to managing a baseball team.
Chapter 120
John M. Glenn
A brief, humorous poem about John M. Glenn, suggesting that a picture of him must be a fake because he never sits still for so long.
Chapter 121
George Golde
A brief, humorous limerick about George Golde, a Cincinnati merchant who once sold shirts of various colors but now inquires about obtaining red ones, playing on the double meaning of 'Reds' as both a color and a political reference.
Chapter 122
J. P. Graver
A brief, whimsical poem about J. P. Graver, a manufacturer from Chicago, who shares a piscatorial philosophy with the narrator: if you wait patiently and a fish takes your bait, the fish is to blame for its own capture.
Chapter 123
Lelan O. Green
A brief, whimsical portrait of Lelan O. Green, a Chicago dentist who also plays the cornet, celebrated for his dual talents and popularity with both patients and audiences.
Chapter 124
Gene Greene
A brief tribute to Gene Greene, a vaudeville star from Chicago, celebrating his unique ability to perform a story or song that would fail for others.
Chapter 125
Bennett Griffin
A brief poetic portrait of Bennett Griffin, an insurance man in Chicago, who uses a fiddle and bow to persuade reluctant customers into buying life insurance.
Chapter 126
George F. Harding
A brief spotlight on George F. Harding, City Comptroller of Chicago, highlighting the tough nature of his office and the pressures from garbage collectors demanding back pay, with the council deflecting responsibility onto him.
Chapter 127
John P. Harding
A brief poetic tribute to John P. Harding, a Chicago hotel operator who manages to balance his busy schedule with an afternoon tee time at Glen View.
Chapter 128
C. M. Harpster
A brief tribute to C. M. Harpster, a surgeon in Toledo known for a single, remarkable operation: removing the bones from a trout.
Chapter 129
Wells W. Hawtin
A short, humorous verse about Wells W. Hawtin, president of the Hawtin Companies in Chicago, who advocates for mail advertising and is known for his shrewd business acumen, having acquired an impressive stock.
Chapter 130
Dan Hayes, Jr.
A brief poetic tribute to Dan Hayes, Jr., a Chicago real estate man and breeder of harness race horses, whose fondest wish is to race behind his horse Alix again.
Chapter 131
Wm. J. Healy
A brief, humorous poem about Wm. J. Healy, a trustee of the Sanitary District of Chicago, whose unusual passion for sewers is playfully contrasted with more common hobbies like fishing, motoring, or hunting.
Chapter 132
Charles Herendeen
A brief poetic tribute to Charles Herendeen, a flour manufacturer in Chicago, playfully nicknamed 'Pop' by his friends, highlighting his passion for golf and his skill at the game.
Chapter 133
August Herrmann
A brief tribute to August 'Garry' Herrmann, president of the Cincinnati Reds, highlighting his German heritage and the universal respect he commanded even during wartime.
Chapter 134
U. J. (Sport) Herrmann
A brief poetic tribute to U. J. (Sport) Herrmann, manager of the Cort Theater in Chicago, celebrating his generous and sporty nature.
Chapter 135
James O. Heyworth
A brief poetic tribute to James O. Heyworth, an engineer and contractor from Chicago, highlighting his sportsmanship in the annual Mackinac race.
Chapter 136
Peter M. Hoffman
A brief, humorous limerick about Peter M. Hoffman, the Chicago coroner, who questions why death cannot occur during the daytime.
Chapter 137
Woodward Holmes
A brief poetic advertisement for Woodward Holmes, a tailor in Chicago, promising stylish suits and a clever three-cushion shot.
Chapter 138
E. W. Houser
A brief, playful toast is directed at E. W. Houser, President of Barnes-Crosby Co. in Chicago, inviting him to stand and bow before offering a health in fresh water.
Chapter 139
Maclay Hoyne
A brief poetic tribute to Maclay Hoyne, the States Attorney of Chicago, emphasizing his moral clarity and the principle that those who are upright have nothing to fear from him, while wrongdoers face his judgment.
Chapter 140
Thomas D. Huff
A brief, humorous poem about Thomas D. Huff, a Chicago lawyer whose Latin-American clients are amused by his office door sign announcing he has gone fishing for a week.
Chapter 141
John Irwin
A brief poetic tribute to John Irwin of the wholesale meat business in Chicago, highlighting his joy in hunting big game in the Everglades.
Chapter 142
Z. Z. Jackson
A short, rhyming advertisement for Z. Z. Jackson, a shirt maker in Chicago, encouraging readers to visit Michigan Boulevard for an outfit that makes them look good easily.
Chapter 143
G. J. L. Janes
A brief poetic tribute to G. J. L. Janes, the general manager of Hillman's in Chicago, who also serves as the boss of the golf club at Beverly, balancing both roles with cleverness and a sense of weight.
Chapter 144
Ban B. Johnson
A brief, playful poem introduces Ban B. Johnson, a baseball magnate in Chicago, humorously comparing his authority to that of a czar while suggesting his domain is prosperous.
Chapter 145
Walter Clyde Jones
A brief limerick introduces Walter Clyde Jones, a patent lawyer who spends his time listening to inventors, with a humorous suggestion that the constant exposure to their ideas might drive him mad.
Chapter 146
S. R. Kaufman
A brief, whimsical poem from the perspective of S. R. Kaufman, president of the Congress Hotel in Chicago, expressing a satisfied smile at the thought of famous visitors like Campanini, Farrar, and Houdini gracing his establishment.
Chapter 147
John H. Kirby
A brief limerick about John H. Kirby, a capitalist from Houston, Texas, who lost millions and sleep but recovered both through bold lumber investments.
Chapter 148
Charles Kratsch
A brief, humorous poem about Charles Kratsch, an ignition expert in Chicago, who appears to be in a praying position but is actually seeking trouble. He can diagnose ignition faults in the dark, implying that using his ignition system prevents such issues.
Chapter 149
Chas. Krutchoff
A brief poetic tribute to Chas. Krutchoff, the County Assessor of Chicago, highlighting his friendly demeanor but unwavering commitment to maintaining high taxes.
Chapter 150
Sigmund Lawton
A brief, whimsical portrait of Sigmund Lawton, a Chicago broker, depicted with his favorite sports equipment, enjoying outdoor activities in all weather.
Chapter 151
James Levy
A brief portrait of James Levy, a former bicycle racing star who now sells automobiles and airplanes in Chicago, highlighting his enduring passion for speed.
Chapter 152
David R. Lewis
A brief limerick about David R. Lewis, a Chicago banker who is generous to those in need but refuses to lend money to poets, humorously highlighting his cautious lending practices.
Chapter 153
Adolph Linick
A brief poetic tribute to Adolph Linick, a Chicago theater owner, suggesting that his skill and fair pricing will earn him a place in Paradise.
Chapter 154
A. B. Magnus
A brief poetic interlude about a baseball game between the Reds and the Sox, where the umpires delay the start to wait for A. B. Magnus to take his seat in the box.
Chapter 155
C. L. Maguire
A brief poetic tribute to C. L. Maguire, president of Lakeside Petroleum Co., highlighting his transition from the labor of selling oil to the leisure of golfing.
Chapter 156
Jno. W. Maguire
A brief, humorous verse about Jno. W. Maguire, Vice President and General Manager of the Portage Rubber Company in Akron, suggesting that his tires are prone to blowouts.
Chapter 157
F. J. Manton
A brief limerick about F. J. Manton, a merchant from Toledo who is obsessed with sports, particularly baseball and fights, to the exclusion of all other reading.
Chapter 158
Clayton Mark
A brief, whimsical portrait of Clayton Mark, a steel manufacturer from Chicago, who follows an unusual sleep schedule, retiring as early as 2 or 2:10 AM and sometimes sleeping until 3 AM before returning to the steel mill.
Chapter 159
Oscar F. Mayer
A playful limerick about Oscar F. Mayer, a Chicago packer, who prefers to bring his own lunches rather than rely on guides while hunting deer.
Chapter 160
M. DeWitt McAlpine
A brief, playful verse celebrating M. DeWitt McAlpine, Vice-President of Bradner Smith & Co. in Chicago, noting his popularity and hinting that he may soon be caught by a lady.
Chapter 161
Chas. A. McCulloch
A brief poetic tribute to Chas. A. McCulloch, Vice-President and General Manager of the Parmelee Transfer Company in Chicago, praising his leadership that keeps employees happy and content.
Chapter 162
Jas. C. McGill
A short, humorous verse celebrating Jas. C. McGill, president of the Indianapolis Indians baseball team, noting his family relation to 'old Pittsburgh Phil' and expressing a lighthearted focus on the team's performance over any concerns about gambling.
Chapter 163
C. R. McKay
A brief poetic interlude about C. R. McKay, a department governor at the Federal Reserve Bank in Chicago, who muses on the appeal of a simpler, less money-focused life in Michigan.
Chapter 164
Col. Angus McLean
A brief poetic chapter celebrating the Scottish pride of Colonel Angus McLean, a surgeon from Detroit, comparing him to the famous Harry Lauder.
Chapter 165
John J. Meagher
A brief limerick-style portrait of John J. Meagher, a Chicago stock broker known for reading while standing, whose reading material evokes both smiles and tears.
Chapter 166
Joseph Michaels
A brief, humorous poem about Joseph Michaels, an iron merchant from Chicago, who struggles with his golf game, particularly the bunkers and traps on the course, and his frustration with his putter.
Chapter 167
Amos C. Miller
A brief poetic tribute to Amos C. Miller, a Chicago lawyer who began his career by taking a risk on the Stone Brothers and has since become consistently successful, always holding winning cards in his professional endeavors.
Chapter 168
Eugene C. Miller
A brief limerick introduces Eugene C. Miller, president of the Osgood Company in Chicago, whose business is photo engraving, but who harbors a persistent longing to escape to the northern lakes and observe the carp.
Chapter 169
Jacob Miller
A brief poetic tribute to Jacob Miller, a chef whose skill was so remarkable that he could transform even humble ingredients into a gourmet delight.
Chapter 170
Arthur J. Mitchell
A brief poetic tribute to Arthur J. Mitchell, praising his reliability in investments while humorously noting his poor golf game.
Chapter 171
John J. Mitchell
A brief limerick-style tribute to John J. Mitchell, a Chicago banker, highlighting the parallel growth of the man and his bank from their early days to their mature success.
Chapter 172
Harry Moir
A brief, humorous verse about Harry Moir, proprietor of the Morrison Hotel in Chicago, who serves fine food but personally prefers horses.
Chapter 173
S. E. Moist
A playful limerick introduces S. E. Moist of the Union Piano Co. in Chicago, punning on his name and the piano's musical function.
Chapter 174
Chas. B. Moore
A brief, whimsical verse about Charles B. Moore, a vice-president of the American Bond & Mortgage Co. in Chicago, who feels no guilt over a bear that was meant to be killed, questioning why the farmer should cry over spilt milk.
Chapter 175
W. R. Moorhouse
A brief limerick-style verse about W. R. Moorhouse, an insurance man from Chicago, contrasting his love for trap shooting with the speaker's preference for craps, humorously noting that both end the same way.
Chapter 176
Waller Morton
A brief reflection on Waller Morton, a Chicago stock broker, who comments on the high cost of living and his respect for the dollar, suggesting he would challenge golf slickers if he had more time.
Chapter 177
G. E. Muehleback
A brief poetic portrait of G. E. Muehleback, a capitalist from Kansas City, Missouri, who is afflicted with a melancholy that causes the city to lament his sorrows.
Chapter 178
Frank J. Navin
A brief, whimsical poem about Frank J. Navin, president of the Detroit Baseball Club, expressing optimism about the team's chances for the pennant next season while acknowledging that as long as Ty Cobb behaves, the outcome doesn't matter much.
Chapter 179
Wilbur D. Nesbit
A brief poetic tribute to Wilbur D. Nesbit, an advertising man from Chicago, acknowledging his superior rhyming ability.
Chapter 180
W. G. Nicholson
A brief limerick about W. G. Nicholson, a banker from Detroit, who humorously describes installing a machine gun, pill box, and tank in his bank to deter potential robbers, noting that the 'petermen' (criminals) no longer visit.
Chapter 181
Col. L. M. Nicolson
A lighthearted limerick about Col. L. M. Nicolson, an assistant to the president of Montgomery Ward & Co., who occasionally reminisces about his cowboy past and compares his old skill of roping steers to his current ability to 'lasso the jack.'
Chapter 182
Thomas O’Connor
A brief, poetic tribute to Thomas O’Connor, Chief of the Chicago Fire Department, suggesting that after his death insurance rates will rise.
Chapter 183
Alfred O'Gara
A brief, whimsical poem about Alfred O'Gara, president of the U.S. Airplane Exhibition Company in Chicago, expressing nervousness about trying his new taxiplane service.
Chapter 184
Senator John F. Overfield
A brief poetic tribute to Senator John F. Overfield, highlighting his wealth from oil and shale, suggesting he does not need to work.
Chapter 185
John E. Owens
A brief, rhythmic tribute to John E. Owens, a Chicago lawyer, recounting his personal account of an event, with the narrator expressing belief in his story while playfully wishing him ill if it proves false.
Chapter 186
Arthur A. Patterson
A brief poetic tribute to Arthur A. Patterson, president of the E. R. Moore Company in Chicago, who supplies academic gowns and caps for graduations and is known for matching or exceeding competing bids.
Chapter 187
Ferdinand W. Peck
A brief poetic tribute to Ferdinand W. Peck, an aged Chicago capitalist who recalls the city's early days, including the Loop as a thicket and William Jennings Bryan's first presidential campaign, yet defiantly asserts his vitality against old age.
Chapter 188
Lt. Col. N. M. Percy
A brief limerick pays tribute to Lt. Col. N. M. Percy, a surgeon from Chicago, as recalled by a grateful doughboy whose life was saved through Percy's skill and divine mercy.
Chapter 189
C. S. Peterson
A brief, humorous verse about C. S. Peterson, president of the Peterson Linotyping Company in Chicago, who, when lacking material to print, turns his critical eye to valuable subjects like oil, landscapes, or a girl, and then bids farewell to the October print.
Chapter 190
Dr. W. S. Phillips
A brief, whimsical poem about Dr. W. S. Phillips, president of the Aviation Club of Chicago, who predicts future air travel to New York before noon, with a playful twist about checking the moon's dryness.
Chapter 191
Charles Piez
A brief poetic tribute to Charles Piez, president and treasurer of the Link-Belt Company in Chicago, highlighting his wartime contributions to shipbuilding that helped win the war.
Chapter 192
George Plant
A brief poetic reflection on the return of soldiers from World War I and the fleeting vitality it brought to certain individuals, contrasted with the defeat of Kid Gleason's White Sox team.
Chapter 193
Conrad H. Poppenhusen
A brief poetic tribute to Conrad H. Poppenhusen, a Chicago lawyer known for his eloquent courtroom language and his ability to speak plainly and effectively at Old Ellum.
Chapter 194
Guy Bates Post
A brief, humorous poem praising actor Guy Bates Post for his exceptional acting ability, contrasting him with less talented performers.
Chapter 195
Frank L. Poth
A brief, whimsical verse about Frank L. Poth, a capitalist from Philadelphia who loves baseball, with a playful jab at the city's teams and an invitation to spend money in the West.
Chapter 196
Hanson F. Randle
A short, humorous poem about Hanson F. Randle, Vice-President of the Railways Ice Company in Chicago, and his intimidating effect on trout while fishing.
Chapter 197
Wm. H. Rankin
A brief, humorous tribute to Wm. H. Rankin, an advertising expert who moved from New Albany to Chicago, celebrated for his success in leading war drives.
Chapter 198
F. H. Rawson
A brief, humorous verse about a banker named F. H. Rawson, who holds the narrator accountable for discrepancies in their accounts, framing the bank's oversight as a 'Trust Company.'
Chapter 199
George W. Reed
A brief, satirical poem about the contrast between fuel executives leisurely playing golf and the anxiety of ordinary people struggling to afford coal for the winter.
Chapter 200
Frank H. Reilly
A brief limerick-style tribute to Frank H. Reilly, a Chicago real estate man and devoted White Sox fan, humorously suggesting he would buy up left field if it proved profitable.
Chapter 201
Peter Reinberg
A brief poetic tribute to Peter Reinberg, President of the County Commissioners of Chicago, celebrating his role in creating the Forest Preserve and beautifying the city.
Chapter 202
Alexander H. Revell
A brief, playful tribute to Alexander H. Revell, a Chicago merchant, celebrating his skill in the tank and golf, and expressing a wish to retain youthful vigor like him in old age.
Chapter 203
Harry J. Ridings
A brief poetic tribute to Harry J. Ridings, Western Manager of the George M. Cohan Interests in Chicago, humorously suggesting that George Cohan would be so distressed by Ridings' retirement that he would die and write songs in heaven.
Chapter 204
Wallace N. Robinson
A brief, whimsical poem about Wallace N. Robinson, a hotel operator from Kansas City who traveled to Toledo to witness a Fourth of July massacre and was rumored to have given away dollars, though the narrator was not informed.
Chapter 205
J. J. Rosenthal
A brief poetic tribute to J. J. Rosenthal, manager of the Woods Theatre in Chicago, noting that all the best shows seem to appear at his venue.
Chapter 206
H. M. Rowley
A playful, rhyming advertisement for the Hoover Suction Sweeper Company, depicting the humorous chaos caused when a housekeeper uses the sweeper on dirty rugs, scattering visiting bugs.
Chapter 207
Joseph A. Rushton
A brief, lighthearted limerick about Joseph A. Rushton, a stock broker from Chicago, who finds contentment fishing in a Mississippi bayou, even if he only catches dogfish.
Chapter 208
Peter J. Schaefer
A brief, playful poem celebrating Peter J. Schaefer, a genial theatre owner in Chicago who prefers to keep his shows outside the Loop, likening his approach to a safer farm.
Chapter 209
George K. Schmidt
A brief, whimsical chapter featuring George K. Schmidt, a banker and member of the Board of Assessors in Chicago, who responds to a question about catching muskies with a playful rhyme about finding an arrowhead instead.
Chapter 210
Fred C. Schwab
A brief, humorous reflection on Fred C. Schwab, a tire dealer and former neighbor, expressing a wish to delay a visit to him.
Chapter 211
Capt. Orlando F. Scott
A brief, whimsical poem advertising Captain Orlando F. Scott, a Chicago surgeon who can replace lost fingers and toes, presented in a lighthearted and humorous tone.
Chapter 212
Benjamin Serlis
A brief poetic tribute to Benjamin Serlis, a figure from Chicago's investment scene, whose dynamic nature defies static artistic representation.
Chapter 213
Walden W. Shaw
A brief poetic tribute to Walden W. Shaw, president of the Yellow Cab Company in Chicago, highlighting his comfort on the sea and in the air, and playing on the word 'Yellow' as both his company's color and a term for cowardice.
Chapter 214
George W. Sheehan
A brief poetic portrait of George W. Sheehan, president of the Central Sugar Company in Chicago, humorously depicting him as a sugar king whose job is to keep sugar prices down.
Chapter 215
Cornell Shreiber
A brief poetic tribute to Cornell Shreiber, the Mayor of Toledo, praising his kindness and friendship to struggling writers, and noting his refusal to bet on Jess Willard.
Chapter 216
James Simpson
A brief, humorous tribute to James Simpson, Vice President of Marshall Field & Co. in Chicago, emphasizing his reliability and regular correspondence.
Chapter 217
Mort H. Singer
A brief limerick-style verse about Mort H. Singer, a theatrical man from Chicago, playing on the French meaning of 'Mort' as 'dead' and humorously comparing his name to a toque on an elephant's head.
Chapter 218
Modie J. Spiegel
A brief, humorous poem celebrating Modie J. Spiegel, president of Spiegel's House Furnishing Co. in Chicago, portraying him as a lively, entertaining figure whose singing and cheerful demeanor can dispel troubles as effectively as a drink.
Chapter 219
Major A. A. Sprague
A brief, humorous verse expresses a father bear's dying wish that Major A. A. Sprague, a Chicago wholesale grocer, were ill or had stayed away, highlighting a comedic resentment toward the grocer.
Chapter 220
James F. Stepina
A brief limerick celebrating James F. Stepina, a banker from Chicago, who came to the rescue of his people with a fortune when they faced extinction.
Chapter 221
Fred E. Sterling
The chapter introduces Fred E. Sterling, the State Treasurer, and captures the audience's impatience for a show to begin, which is resolved when Sterling's arrival prompts the start of the performance.
Chapter 222
Elliott G. Stevenson
A brief poetic tribute to Elliott G. Stevenson, a lawyer from Detroit, who is remembered with a mix of fear and respect by the inventor of the flivver (likely Henry Ford). The verse suggests that Stevenson's legal pursuits were so formidable that the inventor will not initiate any further lawsuits until Stevenson has passed away.
Chapter 223
Col. R. W. Stewart
A brief poetic tribute to Col. R. W. Stewart, Chairman of the Board of Directors of Standard Oil Co. of Indiana in Chicago, highlighting his time as a student at Yale and his learning about the oil business.
Chapter 224
C. Pruyn Stringfield
A playful limerick introduces C. Pruyn Stringfield, a physician in Chicago who is well-regarded and busy with patients, though with a humorous twist suggesting he may be preoccupied with his own stock.
Chapter 225
J. M. Sullivan
A brief limerick-style tribute to J. M. Sullivan, president of the Standard Paper Bag Co. in Chicago, highlighting his initial obscurity to bankers and his eventual success through dedication to his product.
Chapter 226
W. J. Sutherland
A brief, whimsical tribute to W. J. Sutherland of the Mooney & Boland Agency in Chicago, highlighting his skill in following clues and his ambition to eliminate crime so he can enjoy leisurely rides in the park.
Chapter 227
Robert M. Sweitzer
A brief, poetic address to Robert M. Sweitzer, the County Clerk of Chicago, acknowledging his near victory in a political contest and predicting his future success.
Chapter 228
A. J. Thatcher
A brief poetic tribute to A. J. Thatcher, a man from the Toledo Athletic Club, who is remembered as a good scout and a regular guy, with a reference to a Fourth of July boxing match involving Dempsey and Jess Willard.
Chapter 229
Max Thorek
A brief, satirical verse about the financial disparity between the narrator and a wealthy physician named Max Thorek, who can afford expensive entertainment while others struggle to pay for tickets.
Chapter 230
Edward J. Tobin
A brief, whimsical poem about Edward J. Tobin, the County Superintendent of Schools in Chicago, who advocates for outdoor work like gardening as a way to develop children into productive adults.
Chapter 231
Phil. R. Toll
A brief poetic vignette about Phil. R. Toll, a lumberman from Kansas City, Missouri, who is overheard musing about which of his many luxury cars he will drive that day.
Chapter 232
Fred W. Upham
A brief character sketch of Fred W. Upham, treasurer of the G.O.P. National Committee in Chicago, highlighting his disapproval of safeblowing except when it serves the party's interests.
Chapter 233
Egbert Van Alstyne
A brief tribute to songwriter Egbert Van Alstyne, highlighting his prolific output of three thousand and three tunes and his notable success with 'The Shade of the Old Apple Tree.'
Chapter 234
Henry Veeder
A brief poetic tribute to Henry Veeder, a Chicago lawyer known for his effective legal briefs that trouble his opponents, distinguishing him from those who defend speeders, criminals, or political radicals.
Chapter 235
John Z. Vogelslang
A brief poetic tribute to John Z. Vogelslang, a Chicago restaurateur whose son served as a Blackhawk in the war, leading him to establish the Blackhawk Hotel.
Chapter 236
Wm. F. Von Sennet
A brief, humorous poem about Wm. F. Von Sennet, a department manager at Illinois Steel Co. in Chicago, who enjoys golfing but is even more skilled with a gun, playfully comparing putting to shooting ducks.
Chapter 237
Charles H. Wacker
A brief poetic tribute to Charles H. Wacker, the 'Father of the Chicago Plan,' envisioning a future where Chicago's lakefront and boulevard system are fully realized and enjoyed by the public.
Chapter 238
John Wagner
A brief poetic tribute to John Wagner, a promoter of athletics in Racine, Wisconsin, questioning whether clean boxing is profitable and suggesting that Wagner's lean appearance provides the answer.
Chapter 239
William M. Walker
A brief, whimsical poem about William M. Walker, a wholesale fish dealer in Chicago, suggesting he always has fish available and prefers watching others catch them.
Chapter 240
Thos. J. Wall
A brief poetic tribute to Thos. J. Wall, the General Agent of the Canadian Pacific Railway in Chicago, expressing the speaker's willingness to join him on any journey despite a lack of personal desire for adventure or hunting.
Chapter 241
Harry B. Wallace
A brief limerick-style portrait of Harry B. Wallace, a diamond importer and manager of the Wheel Trueing Tool Company in Detroit, who finds greater joy in leisure activities like golf, driving, and cheering for baseball player Ty Cobb than in his professional work.
Chapter 242
Augustus J. Wampler
A brief character sketch of Augustus J. Wampler, a department manager at Health & Milligan Mfg. Co. in Chicago, who uses his gift of gab to land large paint contracts while indulging his love for fishing.
Chapter 243
Col. Charles B. Warren
A brief, whimsical verse about Colonel Charles B. Warren, a lawyer and politician from Michigan, highlighting his political past and his fondness for sugar.
Chapter 244
G. M. Weeks
A brief poetic tribute to G. M. Weeks, a capitalist from Evanston, Illinois, who is known for his storytelling about the trophies on his wall, suggesting a hunter's bravado and the notion that larger targets are easier to bring down.
Chapter 245
John N. Weinand
A brief poetic tribute to John N. Weinand, a cash grain dealer at Ware & Leland in Chicago, highlighting his prudent and reliable approach to business in contrast to reckless speculation.
Chapter 246
Albert G. Welsh
A brief, humorous poem about Albert G. Welsh, a lawyer and chairman of the press committee for the Chicago Bar Association, who manages to thrive despite the scarcity and high cost of print paper.
Chapter 247
Charles A. White
A brief, whimsical tribute to Charles A. White, a Chicago banker who once held the Elks' money bag without stealing, earning the narrator's trust and admiration for his honesty on the golf course.
Chapter 248
Fred H. Wickett
A brief, humorous verse addressed to Fred H. Wickett, a lawyer and oilman from Chicago, lamenting the speaker's failure to follow Wickett's advice to invest money in oil.
Chapter 249
Guilford S. Wood
A brief, whimsical verse about Guilford S. Wood, a railway supplies salesman in Chicago, expressing a hope that he succeeds in selling to certain customers and noting his hobbies of enjoying juicy oranges and prunes.
Chapter 250
F. M. Zeiler
A brief humorous verse about a stock broker named F. M. Zeiler who, when asked for stock tips, cryptically replies that he is investing in 'Holstein preferred,' likely a pun on dairy cattle and financial instruments.
Chapter 251
An Irish Love Lyric
A short, whimsical poem contrasting a past life of spending money and raising hell with a present settled existence at a hotel, ending with blessings and affectionate nonsense phrases.
Chapter 252
The Deterioration of Man
A satirical poem lamenting the perceived decline of masculine self-reliance, contrasting past tales of men achieving success on their own with a present where men are portrayed as dependent on women for their accomplishments.
Chapter 253
The Phantom Sister
The narrator describes how his youngest son, David, has invented an imaginary sister named Bessie to compensate for having only brothers. David insists Bessie is real, well-dressed, and shy, though no one else has seen her. The family indulges his fantasy, knowing better than to challenge him.
Chapter 254
Dave’s Imperturbability
A lighthearted poem celebrating a child's unflappable attitude toward mishaps, where young Davey responds to falls, scrapes, or broken toys with the stoic phrase 'It’s what I was trying to do.' The narrator admires this philosophy and vows to adopt it himself, even inviting critics to dismiss his writing as 'plain drool' under the same defiant logic.
Chapter 255
Apology
The narrator humorously confesses to being easily distracted by physical challenges like climbing roofs, walls, and trees, which leads to neglecting his work.
Chapter 256
Home
A humorous poem by Ernest L. Zopple contrasts the modest, roach-infested flat of his early married life with the luxurious but soulless mansion he now inhabits, arguing that true home is defined not by wealth but by the gritty, familiar imperfections of youth.
Chapter 257
An Autobiography
The narrator provides a brief autobiographical sketch, detailing his birth in Niles, Michigan in 1885, his high school graduation in 1901, and his subsequent career in journalism across several cities, culminating in his work with the Bell Syndicate by 1919.
Chapter 258
The Constant Jay
The narrator reflects on the persistent and varied correspondence from S. Jay Kaufman, who writes daily with requests ranging from information and column writing to financial aid for European relief.
Chapter 259
To Producers, Authors, Actors, etc.
A satirical poem arguing that the success of a play depends not on its plot, satire, or star performances, but solely on the presence of actors Alfred Lunt and Lynn Fontanne. The narrator uses humorous examples of failed plays and popular hits to drive home the point that these two performers are the true key to theatrical success.
Chapter 260
Glossary
A brief glossary defining four terms: Bodkin, Mintie, Pote, and Twos.
Chapter 261
Endnotes
This section provides editorial notes on the source of the poems, indicating they were originally published in Ring Lardner's daily column 'In the Wake of the News' in the Chicago Tribune from June 3, 1913 to June 20, 1919.
Chapter 262
List of Illustrations
This chapter presents a series of illustrations depicting various scenes and characters, including political interactions, baseball games, fishing, hunting, golf, and other early 20th century activities. The illustrations capture moments of humor, satire, and everyday life, often with dialogue bubbles and visual gags.
