Short Fiction · Chapters
Chapters explained
Chapter companions for Short Fiction by Saki.
Chapter 1
The Image of the Lost Soul
A small, sweet-voiced bird seeks shelter on a cathedral roof but is rejected by the other birds. It finds refuge in the arms of a carved stone figure of a lost soul, which gradually softens in expression. The bird is captured by lodge-folk and caged, singing hopelessly until it dies of cold. That night, the stone figure falls and is shattered, and the pigeons anticipate a more pleasant replacement.
Chapter 2
Dogged
Artemus Gibbon, a timid and respectable young man, is coerced into buying a rakish fox terrier named Beelzebub at a church bazaar. The dog's depraved influence gradually dismantles Gibbon's placid life, leading him into bohemian rooms, dissolute habits, and a compromising encounter with a birdlike lady whose ostrich-feather boa Beelzebub destroys. Gibbon's moral decline is sealed when his former protégé Hilary Helforlether catches him in a compromising moment, and Gibbon admits he now belongs body and soul to the dog.
Chapter 3
The Blood-Feud of Toad-Water
The Cricks and Saunderses, the only two families in the isolated hamlet of Toad-Water, fall into a bitter feud after a hen from the Crick household scratches up Mrs. Saunders's onion bed. The quarrel escalates through mutual insults, dredged-up family scandals, and a failed reconciliation at a Revival Tea, persisting for years despite deaths and the passage of time.
Chapter 4
New Wine in Old Bottles
A satirical dialogue between two working-class women, Mrs. Brown and Mrs. Hooper, who attempt to display their intellectual pretensions by peppering their speech with mispronounced references to history, literature, and archaeology, revealing the absurdity of social climbing through cultural affectation.
Chapter 5
Reginald
The narrator persuades Reginald to attend the McKillops' garden-party against his will, hoping to curry favor with the hostess for a Persian kitten. Once there, Reginald's irreverent behavior—mocking Colonel Mendoza's age, teaching a boy about absinthe, and discussing Zaza with the Archdeacon's wife—causes social chaos, leading to the narrator's vow never to take him to another garden-party.
Chapter 6
Reginald on Christmas Presents
Reginald delivers a satirical monologue on the art of gift-giving, criticizing the lack of thought and taste in Christmas presents, particularly from female relatives and aunts. He humorously recounts receiving ill-fitting gloves and unwanted books, and advocates for more sensible or luxurious gifts like liqueurs or jewelry.
Chapter 7
The Saint and the Goblin
A stone saint in a cathedral niche wishes to help the poor church mice, but after receiving a silver thaler from a jackdaw, he debates with a stone goblin about whether to use it for corn or candles. The vergeress finds the coin and, misunderstanding its significance, hangs it around the saint's neck as a decoration, leading to rumors of a priceless offering while the mice remain poor.
Chapter 8
Reginald on the Academy
Reginald and the Other discuss the Royal Academy exhibition, critiquing its social function, the tediousness of encountering acquaintances, the absurdity of picture titles, and the slow recognition of artists. Reginald wittily dismisses the Academy as a failure and reflects on the nature of success and failure by age thirty.
Chapter 9
Reginald's Peace Poem
Reginald announces he is writing a poem on Peace, using a new fountain pen and a tin of mixed biscuits. He shares verses featuring a widgeon, a heedless hartebeest, and angels, but struggles with finding a rhyme for 'aasvogel.' The Other offers unhelpful agreement, and Reginald laments his poetic difficulties, ending with a threat to read more of the poem.
Chapter 10
Reginald's Choir Treat
Reginald, a nonconformist with Titian hair and a sense of humor, is taken under the wing of Amabel, the vicar's intellectual daughter, who aims to reform him. After a failed attempt at moral persuasion, she enlists his help in supervising the annual choir outing. When Amabel falls ill, Reginald takes charge, leading the choir boys in a wild, Bacchanalian procession through the village, complete with tin whistles and a goat. The spectacle horrifies the villagers and his family, who lack any sense of humor.
Chapter 11
Reginald at the Theatre
Reginald and the duchess engage in a witty, combative dialogue at the theatre, debating morality, religion, patriotism, empire, and philanthropy. Reginald subverts the duchess's conventional views with ironic observations, exposing the contradictions and absurdities in her moral certainties.
Chapter 12
Reginald on House-Parties
Reginald reflects on the superficiality of house-party relationships, where hosts and guests never truly know each other. He recounts anecdotes about a host who eloped with a lion-tamer's widow, his own revenge on a shooting party by killing a peacock, and the tediousness of certain hostesses. He muses on mistakes turning into assets and the cyclical nature of despair about the future.
Chapter 13
Judkin of the Parcels
The narrator reflects on a man named Judkin, encountered repeatedly in a muddy Dorsetshire lane, who once lived a glamorous life in cavalry regiments and exotic lands but now carries brown-paper parcels to a dull villa, tending pear trees and hens, married to a tape-souled wife. The narrator ponders whether Judkin has found a strange contentment in his reduced circumstances.
Chapter 14
Reginald on Worries
Reginald satirizes his aunt's manufactured worries and the absurdity of social anxieties, touching on topics like education, charity, and social climbing with his characteristic wit.
Chapter 15
Reginald at the Carlton
Reginald and the duchess engage in witty, irreverent conversation over dinner at the Carlton, touching on climate, travel, scandal, and the disappointments of life. Reginald's epigrams challenge social conventions and the duchess's moralizing, revealing the absurdities of polite society.
Chapter 16
Reginald on Besetting Sins
Reginald tells a cautionary tale about a woman who develops a compulsive habit of telling the truth, which gradually alienates her friends and family, culminating in a disastrous confrontation with her cook.
Chapter 17
Reginald's Drama
Reginald outlines his plan for a great drama, featuring wolves, a bishop's condemnation, and a tragic plot inspired by the Mudge-Jervises' separation over the Fiscal Question, all while critiquing social rituals and moral facades.
Chapter 18
Reginald on Tariffs
Reginald humorously critiques free trade and social conventions, using anecdotes about a mouse, a riding mishap with Mrs. Nicorax, and Mrs. Van Challaby's marital misfortunes to illustrate his points about tariffs and human behavior.
Chapter 19
Reginald's Christmas Revel
Reginald recounts a tedious Christmas spent with the dull and humorless Babwolds, where forced festivities, vapid parlor games, and self-important guests drive him to playful acts of rebellion, including a prank that causes a frantic search of a formidable lady's room.
Chapter 20
Reginald's Rubaiyat
Reginald recounts his failed attempts at writing poetry for a duchess's album, including a Hymn to the New Year, a quatrain about an unwholesome egg, and a parody of a French classic, all of which are rejected for various reasons. He eventually tricks the duchess by inserting a Tibetan fragment under Agatha's autograph, and then reveals he is actually free to dine with the listener.
Chapter 21
The Innocence of Reginald
Reginald, dressed impeccably, discusses his idea of writing a book of personal reminiscences with a companion. He recounts how the mere rumor of the book caused a flurry of demands from acquaintances to omit or alter various incidents, including Miriam Klopstock's plea about a Chow dog in the bathroom and a woman's desire to include a croquet mallet incident. Reginald enjoys the power and chaos his unwritten book has created, while his companion suggests a trip to Paris as a distraction.
Chapter 22
Reginald in Russia
Reginald visits a Russian princess, engaging in witty repartee about English and Russian social customs, politics, and frivolity. The princess criticizes English lightheartedness while Reginald subtly mocks Russian extremes and pretensions.
Chapter 23
The Reticence of Lady Anne
Egbert attempts to break the silence after a marital quarrel with Lady Anne, who remains completely unresponsive. He makes concessions and promises to lead a better life, but she gives no sign of being impressed. After he leaves to dress for dinner, Don Tarquinio the cat attacks the bullfinch, and it is revealed that Lady Anne has been dead for two hours.
Chapter 24
A Young Turkish Catastrophe
The Minister for Fine Arts visits the Grand Vizier to discuss granting women the vote under the new Constitution. Despite the Vizier's initial disbelief, he agrees to allow women to vote. During the election in the Lakoumistan division, the Young Turkish Party candidate, who had used Western electioneering tactics including motorcars to injure opponents, is unexpectedly defeated when his rival Ali the Blest brings hundreds of his wives and womenfolk to vote, exploiting the 'Veiled Vote' to secure a majority.
Chapter 25
The Sex That Doesn’t Shop
The narrator reflects on the peculiar shopping habits of women, arguing that despite their frequent shopping excursions, they often fail to procure everyday necessities, preferring to run out of items rather than buy from nearby shops. He illustrates this with anecdotes about women who cannot provide lunch for a friend despite living near provision shops, who struggle to obtain a book they know about, and who cannot find a specific magazine article. The narrator's own attempt to buy blotting-paper is thwarted by a female acquaintance who insists on taking him to a specific shop for 'lovely shades' and then abandons the mission for tea, leaving him without the plain white blotting-paper he needed.
Chapter 26
The Lost Sanjak
A condemned man tells the prison chaplain his story: after a failed romantic advance, he stumbles upon a dead body and swaps clothes with it to escape his identity. He is mistaken for the murderer, and despite his attempts to prove his true identity, his lack of specialized knowledge—especially his inability to locate Novibazar on a map—leads to his conviction for his own murder.
Chapter 27
The Soul of Laploshka
The narrator recounts his acquaintance with Laploshka, a miserly yet entertaining man who hoards his money and avoids generosity. After tricking Laploshka into paying for his share of a meal, the narrator refuses to repay the two francs, and Laploshka dies of grief. The narrator struggles to dispose of the two francs in a way that would not distress the deceased, first donating it to a church collection for the poor, only to be haunted by Laploshka's ghost. He later retrieves the money and attempts to give it to a wealthy baron, who ultimately donates it to the same poor fund. Laploshka's spirit finally finds peace.
Chapter 28
Gabriel-Ernest
Van Cheele discovers a strange, wild boy in his woods who claims to hunt and eat flesh. After taking him home, his aunt names him Gabriel-Ernest. Van Cheele learns from the artist Cunningham that the boy may be a werewolf, and races home to prevent a tragedy as the boy escorts a child home at sunset.
Chapter 29
The Strategist
Rollo attends a party hosted by Mrs. Jallatt, where he faces a numerical disadvantage against the Wrotsley brothers and their cousin. Through a series of games, including a painful word-guessing game and a conjuring trick where he retrieves stolen peaches, Rollo manages to outwit his rivals and escape the evening with a small victory.
Chapter 30
The Bag
Mrs. Hoopington urges her niece Norah to be bright and lively for Major Pallaby, who is in a gloomy mood due to his unpopularity as Master of the Pexdale Hounds. Norah has brought a young Russian guest, Vladimir, whose hunting habits annoy Mrs. Hoopington. Vladimir returns from shooting with a full game-bag, and Norah discovers he has shot a fox. In a panic, she tells him to hide the bag, but it catches on an antler and hangs above the tea table. During tea, the fox-terrier sniffs the bag, revealing the contents. The Major and Mrs. Hoopington realize what has happened, and the Major resigns his mastership in fury. Vladimir later buries the fox in the garden.
Chapter 31
Crosscurrents
Vanessa Pennington, a poor widow with a sense of respectability, is loved by Alaric Clyde, a wealthy man who initially leaves her out of honor. After her husband's death, Clyde returns and marries her on the condition that she join him in the wilderness. Vanessa, longing for civilization, grows disillusioned with nomadic life and finds companionship in Mr. Dobrinton, a British-accented traveler. She eventually leaves Clyde for Dobrinton, only to be captured by Kurdish brigands.
Chapter 32
The Baker’s Dozen
Major Richard Dumbarton and Mrs. Carewe, former lovers, reunite on an eastward-bound steamer and quickly rekindle their romance. However, their joy is tempered when they discover they have a combined total of thirteen children between them, which they consider unlucky. They attempt to persuade Mrs. Paly-Paget to adopt one of their children, but she takes offense. After a recount, the Major realizes he has only four children, making the total twelve, and they embrace in relief.
Chapter 33
The Mouse
Theodoric Voler, a fastidious man raised in sheltered gentility, endures a mortifying train journey after a mouse crawls inside his clothes. Forced to partially undress behind a makeshift curtain to remove the creature, he is caught by his fellow passenger, a blind woman who mistakes his panic for illness. The story satirizes social propriety and the absurdity of embarrassment over trivial realities.
Chapter 34
The Matchmaker
Clovis Sangrail dines with a friend and discusses his mother's potential remarriage. He reveals that he has taken it upon himself to find her a suitable husband, having identified a military man from the club whom he has introduced to her. Clovis explains his motivation: his mother has begun to complain about their lifestyle and impose restrictions on him, so he seeks to divert her attention through marriage. The conversation touches on food reform, oysters, and the absurdities of social habits.
Chapter 35
Tobermory
At a dull house party, Mr. Cornelius Appin reveals his discovery of teaching animals human speech, demonstrated by the cat Tobermory. Tobermory's candid remarks expose the guests' secrets and hypocrisies, causing panic. The party decides to kill Tobermory and the stable cat to prevent further scandal, leaving Appin's achievement unappreciated.
Chapter 36
Hermann the Irascible
In the second decade of the twentieth century, after the Great Plague has wiped out the British royal family, Hermann the Fourteenth of Saxe-Drachsen-Wachtelstein ascends the throne. He is a progressive monarch who drafts a Compulsory Female Franchise Bill, requiring all women aged 21-70 to vote in numerous elections under penalty of £10. The law becomes deeply unpopular, sparking a massive No-Votes-for-Women movement and culminating in the 'Great Weep,' where women weep continuously in public places. Faced with this disruption, Hermann reverses course and passes a bill depriving women of the vote, chuckling that there are many ways to achieve an end.
Chapter 37
Wratislav
The Gräfin and Baroness Sophie discuss the deplorable marriages of the Gräfin's elder sons and the possibility of marrying her youngest, Wratislav, to Sophie's daughter Elsa. After a series of barbed exchanges, Elsa elopes with the Rodenstahls' chauffeur, while Wratislav abruptly departs for Mexico, suggesting he was fleeing some scandal.
Chapter 38
The Unrest-Cure
Clovis overhears a conversation on a train in which J. P. Huddle complains of his overly orderly, predictable life, and a friend suggests he needs an 'Unrest-cure.' Clovis decides to provide one by impersonating a bishop's secretary and convincing Huddle that a massacre of local Jews is being planned from his own home, leading to a night of terror for the household.
Chapter 39
Sredni Vashtar
Conradin, a ten-year-old boy with a terminal prognosis, lives under the oppressive guardianship of his cousin Mrs. de Ropp. He finds solace in a disused tool-shed where he keeps a Houdan hen and a polecat-ferret, which he worships as the god Sredni Vashtar. When Mrs. de Ropp sells the hen and later confiscates the key to the ferret's hutch, Conradin prays for divine intervention. His prayer is answered when the ferret kills Mrs. de Ropp, and Conradin calmly enjoys toast while the household reacts to her death.
Chapter 40
The Background
Clovis listens to a journalist's story about Henri Deplis, a Luxembourgish commercial traveller who, after receiving a small legacy, commissions a tattoo masterpiece of the Fall of Icarus from the artist Andreas Pincini. When Deplis cannot pay the widow the full amount, she donates the tattoo to the municipality of Bergamo, which then claims ownership of his back. Deplis becomes a prisoner of the artwork, unable to bathe freely or leave Italy, and is eventually caught in international disputes. After the tattoo is destroyed by a fellow anarchist, Deplis is deported and now wanders Paris, delusionally believing he is a lost arm of the Venus de Milo.
Chapter 41
Adrian
Adrian, a young man from humble Bethnal Green origins, is taken under the wing of Lucas Croyden's aunt, Mrs. Mebberley, who insists on introducing him to high society abroad. In Dohledorf, Adrian's mischievous and disruptive behavior—including kidnapping a child during a performance and swapping hotel room numbers—causes chaos, leaving Mrs. Mebberley increasingly desperate and ultimately telegraphing Lucas to ask where Bethnal Green is.
Chapter 42
The Jesting of Arlington Stringham
Arlington Stringham, a Member of Parliament, makes a joke in the House of Commons, which is noted in the papers. His wife Eleanor is disturbed by this uncharacteristic behavior, seeing it as the beginning of a rift in their marriage. She grows increasingly irritated with his attempts at humor, especially after discovering that his witticisms are borrowed from Lady Isobel. The tension culminates in Eleanor's death from an overdose of chloral, which Clovis attributes to domestic sorrow, while Arlington remains unaware of the full impact of his jesting.
Chapter 43
The Penance
Octavian Ruttle, having killed a tabby cat to protect his chickens, faces the cold hatred of three children who witnessed the deed. Despite offering chocolates as atonement, the children reject his gifts and later kidnap his daughter Olivia, threatening to harm her. In a desperate negotiation, Octavian agrees to perform a public penance—standing in a white sheet by the cat's grave, holding a candle, and declaring himself a 'miserable Beast' for half an hour. After rescuing Olivia from a pigsty quagmire, he fulfills his promise, and the children ultimately pardon him with a note reading 'Un-Beast.'
Chapter 44
The Stampeding of Lady Bastable
Mrs. Sangrail negotiates with Lady Bastable to extend Clovis's stay for six days while she visits the MacGregors, using a bridge debt as leverage. Clovis, displeased with the arrangement, orchestrates a false alarm of a peasant uprising (jacquerie) by bursting into the kitchen and leading the servants in a panicked charge into the morning-room, causing Lady Bastable to flee through a French window. The incident leaves everyone embarrassed, but Lady Bastable returns the bridge debt cheque to Mrs. Sangrail at lunch.
Chapter 45
Ministers of Grace
The Duke of Scaw, a young aristocrat with a mystical religious bent, uses angelic forces to replace key politicians with angelic replicas, sending the originals into animal forms. This causes chaos in Parliament and society, as the angelic substitutes behave unpredictably, leading to political upheaval and personal bewilderment among the public and politicians' families.
Chapter 46
Filboid Studge
Mark Spayley, a poor artist, asks Duncan Dullamy for his daughter Leonore's hand. Dullamy, facing financial ruin from his failed breakfast food Pipenta, agrees. Mark rebrands the product as 'Filboid Studge' with a grim, hell-themed poster that ironically drives massive sales through a sense of duty rather than pleasure. Dullamy sells his stake at the peak, becoming wealthier, while Mark is left with nothing.
Chapter 47
Esmé
The Baroness recounts a foxhunting story to Clovis, in which she and Constance Broddle encounter a hyena that has escaped from Lord Pabham's park. The hyena follows them, snatches a gypsy child, and is later killed by a motorist. The Baroness passes off the hyena as a valuable dog, receives a diamond brooch as reparation, and loses Constance's friendship over the proceeds.
Chapter 48
The Peace of Mowsle Barton
Crefton Lockyer, seeking respite from city life, settles at Mowsle Barton farm, only to find the peace shattered by a feud between two elderly women, Betsy Croot and Martha Pillamon, whose mutual accusations of witchcraft seem to manifest in real, uncanny phenomena—a kettle that refuses to boil and ducks that drown in a pond—driving Crefton to fear and doubt his idyllic retreat.
Chapter 49
The Chaplet
Clovis recounts the tragic story of Aristide Saucourt, the chef of the Grand Sybaris Hotel, who creates a masterpiece dish, Canetons à la mode d'Amblève, only to have it ignored by diners who are captivated by the orchestra's repeated performance of 'The Chaplet.' In a fit of rage, Saucourt attacks the orchestra leader by plunging his head into a tureen of boiling soup, leading to the musician's death.
Chapter 50
Mrs. Packletide's Tiger
Mrs. Packletide, motivated by rivalry with Loona Bimberton, arranges to shoot a tiger in India with minimal risk. She pays a village to provide an old, infirm tiger and a tethered goat as bait. During the hunt, she accidentally shoots the goat, and the tiger dies of heart failure from the gunshot. The villagers, eager for the reward, pretend she killed the tiger. Mrs. Packletide gains fame and a tiger-skin rug, but her paid companion, Louisa Mebbin, discovers the truth and blackmails her into buying a cottage. Mrs. Packletide gives up big-game hunting, citing heavy incidental expenses.
Chapter 51
The Easter Egg
Lady Barbara, a brave woman, must come to terms with her son Lester Slaggby's cowardice. During an Easter celebration in Knobaltheim, a couple proposes that their child, dressed as an Easter angel, present a large Easter egg containing plover eggs to the visiting Prince. Lady Barbara reluctantly agrees, but Lester's cowardly instincts alert him to the couple's suspicious behavior. In a rare moment of courage, he rushes to intercept the child, but the child clings to the egg. Lester screams a warning, causing a panic, and the egg explodes, blinding Lady Barbara. She survives but is left scarred and blind, and Easter eggs are never mentioned in her presence again.
Chapter 52
The Hounds of Fate
Martin Stoner, a destitute and desperate man, wanders aimlessly toward the sea. He seeks shelter at a farmhouse and is mistaken for 'Master Tom,' the long-absent nephew of the farm's owner. The old servant George welcomes him, and the aunt allows him to stay without seeing him. Stoner decides to maintain the deception, enjoying the comforts of the farm while facing the hostility of the local community, who remember Tom's past misdeeds. He learns to live with the isolation and the constant threat of exposure.
Chapter 53
A Matter of Sentiment
On the eve of a major race, Lady Susan's house-party is consumed with indecision about which horse to bet on, but must discuss the topic furtively because Lady Susan disapproves of racing. Clovis orchestrates a scheme to get inside information from the butler, Motkin, who has a second cousin at a racing stable. Motkin secretly conveys the tip 'Better Not' to the guests, who all place bets accordingly. However, the horse that wins is Sadowa, which Lady Susan reveals she backed solely because its name reminded her of the Franco-German war, much to the dismay of her guests.
Chapter 54
The Peace Offering
The Baroness enlists Clovis to produce a Greek tragedy play to heal social divisions after a contentious election petition. Their collaboration is fraught with artistic clashes and personal ambitions, leading to a disastrous performance where Cassandra's improvised political prophecy offends half the audience, deepening the very rift the play was meant to mend.
Chapter 55
The Recessional
Clovis Sangrail writes a Durbar Recessional poem in a Turkish bath, discussing his wager with Loona Bimberton and the poem's vivid, exaggerated imagery with Bertie van Tahn. The poem is published in the short-lived Smoky Chimney, and Loona Bimberton suffers a nervous breakdown afterward.
Chapter 56
The Infernal Parliament
Bavton Bidderdale, having died of a new disease, finds himself in Hell as a guest. He is shown the Infernal Parliament, where a debate protests the earthly misuse of the word 'fiendish'. The Fiend-guide explains that all motions are lost, there is no party system, and a special Hell is being prepared for a playwright with a press-cutting book missing the letter 'S'.
Chapter 57
The Talking-Out of Tarrington
Clovis helps his aunt avoid an unwanted social encounter with Mr. Tarrington by engaging him in a deliberately absurd and evasive conversation, ultimately driving him away.
Chapter 58
The Music on the Hill
Sylvia Seltoun has successfully married Mortimer Seltoun against his family's wishes and brought him to his remote country estate, Yessney. She initially feels victorious but soon becomes unsettled by the wild, hostile atmosphere of the farm and woods. After discovering a votive offering to Pan and encountering a mysterious boy with evil eyes, she begins to fear the ancient forces Mortimer believes in. Her attempt to leave is thwarted, and during a walk she is fatally gored by a stag while hearing the same eerie boy's laughter, suggesting the Wood Gods have claimed her.
Chapter 59
The Remoulding of Groby Lington
Groby Lington, a middle-aged man who has settled into a parrot-like routine, visits his sister-in-law's family out of obligation to his brother Colonel John. After seeing a caricature that likens him to his parrot, he becomes self-conscious about his monotonous life. Upon returning home, he learns his parrot has been killed by a monkey that Colonel John brought as a gift. Groby adopts the monkey, which gradually transforms his personality from passive to aggressive and impulsive. He later attacks a pianist at a house party, inadvertently becomes a hero during a fire, and eventually loses the monkey to disease, settling back into a subdued existence with a tortoise.
Chapter 60
The Secret Sin of Septimus Brope
Mrs. Troyle accuses Septimus Brope, a serious editor of the Cathedral Monthly, of making love to her maid Florinda. Clovis investigates and discovers that Brope's secret is not an affair but his authorship of sentimental popular songs. Clovis helps Brope write a new, insulting song about Florrie, securing Brope's silence and a trip abroad.
Chapter 61
The Story of St. Vespaluus
Clovis tells the Baroness a story about a pagan king, Hkrikros, and his nephew Vespaluus, who pretends to convert to Christianity to annoy the king. After a series of punishments and a near-execution by bees (from which he is miraculously saved), Vespaluus becomes king and maintains a dual religious identity—publicly Christian for state purposes, privately pagan to honor the serpents who he believes saved him.
Chapter 62
The Way to the Dairy
Clovis tells the Baroness the story of the Brimley Bomefield sisters, who discovered a wealthy aunt and tried to control her spending, only to inadvertently introduce her to gambling. The aunt becomes a confirmed gambler, losing money but enjoying life for the first time, while the nieces grow increasingly depressed and eventually abandon her.
Chapter 63
The Disappearance of Crispina Umberleigh
Two Britons traveling by train discuss the mysterious disappearance of Crispina Umberleigh. The Wine Merchant reveals that his aunt vanished without explanation, leaving her family relieved from her domineering control. Her husband received ransom demands for her return but chose to pay yearly sums to keep her away, fearing the loss of his newfound political influence. After eight years, Crispina reappeared, having suffered amnesia and worked as a charwoman in Birmingham, her memory restored by a chance remark.
Chapter 64
The Schartz-Metterklume Method
Lady Carlotta, a free-spirited aristocrat, misses her train after intervening in a horse's mistreatment and is mistaken for a governess by Mrs. Quabarl. She adopts the role with ironic compliance, using the invented 'Schartz-Metterklume method' to teach history by acting out the Sabine women abduction with the Quabarl children and lodge children. Her unconventional behavior, including criticizing wine and fabricating scandalous stories about a reference, leads to her dismissal. She departs nonchalantly, leaving behind a leopard cub among her luggage, and later dismisses the inconvenience to her hostess.
Chapter 65
Excepting Mrs. Pentherby
Reggie Bruttle turns his inherited mansion into a long-term country-house party to ease his finances. Despite warnings that the women will inevitably quarrel, Reggie secretly hires Mrs. Pentherby as a paid 'official quarreller' to absorb and localize all feminine feuds, thereby preserving peace among the other guests. The scheme succeeds, and when the party is reconstituted for a second season, Reggie insists on retaining Mrs. Pentherby, revealing his calculated strategy to his horrified sister-in-law.
Chapter 66
The Seventh Pullet
John Blenkinthrope, a man bored by the monotony of his life, is encouraged by his friend Gorworth to invent sensational stories to gain the interest of his fellow train travelers. He fabricates a tale about a snake killing six of his seven pullets, which brings him temporary fame. Encouraged by this success, he tells increasingly outlandish stories, including a dramatic assassination attempt in Paris. However, when his wife dies suddenly after completing a difficult patience card game, his reputation as a liar prevents the tragedy from being reported as anything more than a mundane death, leaving him isolated and back to his unremarkable existence.
Chapter 67
Mrs. Pendercoet's Lost Identity
Mrs. Pendercoet seeks costume advice for the Arts' Club Ball, hoping to appear as a dignified character like Pomona, but the mischievous Rollo sabotages her by spreading the idea that she is the 'Aunt of the Gardener,' leading to her humiliation when everyone at the ball recognizes her as that comic figure instead.
Chapter 68
The Open Window
Framton Nuttel, a man suffering from a nerve condition, visits Mrs. Sappleton's home armed with a letter of introduction. While waiting for his hostess, her fifteen-year-old niece, Vera, tells him a tragic story about the open French window: three years ago, Mrs. Sappleton's husband and two brothers went hunting through that window and were lost in a bog, their bodies never recovered. The niece claims her aunt keeps the window open expecting their return. When Mrs. Sappleton arrives, she cheerfully mentions her husband and brothers will soon return from shooting, horrifying Framton. As dusk falls, three men with guns and a spaniel approach the window, and Framton flees in terror. Vera calmly explains his flight by inventing a story about his fear of dogs, revealing her talent for spontaneous fiction.
Chapter 69
The Cobweb
Young Mrs. Emma Ladbruk, newly mistress of a farm, finds her plans for modernizing the kitchen thwarted by the ancient, unheeding presence of Martha Crale, a ninety-four-year-old servant who has worked there for over seventy years. Emma's resentment grows as Martha's stubborn routines and cluttered window-seat block her cherished reforms. When Martha predicts her own death with superstitious certainty, Emma rushes for help, only to discover Martha alive and feeding poultry. Martha then falsely announces the death of Emma's husband, who has actually been killed in an accident. The farm passes to a cousin, and Emma leaves, her dreams of transformation utterly undone.
Chapter 70
The Seven Cream Jugs
Mr. and Mrs. Peter Pigeoncote nervously host a visiting relative, Wilfrid Pigeoncote, whom they mistake for the kleptomaniac 'Wilfrid the Snatcher.' They suspect him of stealing a silver cream jug from their wedding gift collection, search his luggage, and find one. However, the guest reveals the jug was a gift from him and his mother, and they realize he is actually the respectable Wilfrid the Attaché. To cover their mistake, Mrs. Peter claims her husband has a similar compulsion, and they return the jug, pretending it was misplaced.
Chapter 71
Bertie's Christmas Eve
On Christmas Eve, the Steffink family gathers for festivities, but Bertie Steffink, a ne'er-do-well nephew facing exile to Rhodesia, is sullen. When the family goes to the cow-house to hear animals speak (a Russian legend), Bertie locks them in. He then hosts a raucous party with strangers, playing instruments and drinking champagne. After hours, he tosses the key to the prisoners, freeing them. Bertie declares it his happiest Christmas Eve, despite having a 'rotten Christmas.'
Chapter 72
Quail Seed
Mr. Scarrick, a small suburban grocer, struggles to compete with larger stores offering modern attractions. An artist and his sister, who rent rooms above his shop, suggest appealing to the human instinct for mystery and intrigue rather than freebies. A series of mysterious customers—a dark-faced boy buying pomegranates and quail seed with a brass bowl and gold coin, and a bearded man inquiring after the boy—sparks wild speculation among local shoppers. The grocer repeatedly lies about the boy's visits, fueling gossip. The climax occurs when a veiled lady reveals the location of Jaffa oranges, causing the boy to flee and the bearded man to panic and disappear. It is later revealed that the artist and his sister orchestrated the charade, using a model, to boost business, and Mr. Scarrick pays for the hire of the black beard.
Chapter 73
The Interlopers
In a forest in the Carpathians, Ulrich von Gradwitz and Georg Znaeym, heirs to a generations-old land feud, confront each other with murderous intent but are both pinned down by a falling beech tree. Trapped together, they initially exchange threats and curses, but as they lie helpless, their hatred subsides and they reconcile, vowing friendship and peace. As they await rescue, they see figures approaching—only to realize the figures are wolves.
Chapter 74
The Optimist
Richard Duncombe, returning from a hunt, seeks shelter at a yeoman's house where he senses an atmosphere of fear and depression. The mother laments the loss of her family's former social standing. Duncombe tries to encourage her son, Ted, to uphold the family honor, only to discover that the boy is being arrested by the police.
Chapter 75
The Treasure Ship
The Duchess of Dulverton, believing in a sunken treasure galleon, acquires a Monegaskan invention for underwater salvage and tasks her nephew Vasco Honiton with testing it at Innisgluther Bay. Vasco instead discovers the wreck of the Sub-Rosa, containing compromising papers from a three-year-old scandal, and uses them to blackmail his aunt and other wealthy individuals into funding his lifelong leisure.
Chapter 76
The Pond
Mona Waddacombe, a woman with a tragic self-image, marries John Waddacombe, a practical farmer who cannot understand her morbid sensibilities. Feeling misunderstood and despondent, she becomes fascinated by a dark, gloomy pond in a beechwood, where she contemplates suicide. However, when John falls critically ill, she nurses him back to health, and their relationship deepens. Later, visiting the pond to confront her past weakness, she accidentally slips and nearly drowns, but the pond is only inches deep, and she escapes unharmed, returning home muddy to John's bemused questions.
Chapter 77
The Blind Spot
Egbert, fresh from his great-aunt Adelaide's funeral, attempts to discuss serious business with his uncle Sir Lulworth, who insists on postponing the topic until after lunch. Egbert reveals that among Adelaide's papers he found a letter from her brother, the late Canon, indicating that his cook Sebastien had threatened to kill him after a dispute. The letter provides a motive that was absent at the inquest, potentially implicating Sebastien in the Canon's murder. Sir Lulworth, however, deliberately burns the letter, explaining that while Sebastien may be a murderer, he is an exceptional cook.
Chapter 78
Dusk
Norman Gortsby sits on a park bench at dusk, reflecting on the defeated souls who emerge in the evening gloom. A young man approaches with a tale of losing his hotel and money, but Gortsby is skeptical when the man cannot produce a cake of soap he claimed to have bought. After the young man leaves, Gortsby finds the soap on the ground and rushes to return it, lending him a sovereign. Later, Gortsby sees the elderly gentleman who previously sat on the bench searching for his own lost soap, revealing the young man's story was a fabrication.
Chapter 79
The Unkindest Blow
In the aftermath of a wave of strikes, including a brief and farcical zoo keepers' strike, the public turns its attention to the sensational Falvertoon divorce suit. The Duke and Duchess of Falvertoon, realizing they are the exploited raw material for a vast media industry, threaten to 'go on strike' by reconciling, throwing the press and public into panic. After a tense conference, they are persuaded to proceed with the litigation, but the Duke dies of premature decay before the new trial date.
Chapter 80
The Sheep
Rupert is frustrated by his sister Kathleen's choice of fiancé, a man he calls 'the Sheep'—a bumbling, self-satisfied fool who ruins a bridge game, shoots a protected honey-buzzard, loses an election with a thoughtless remark, and ultimately drowns after ignoring warnings about unsafe ice. Rupert's rescue attempt is thwarted by a yard-dog, but he later keeps the dog as a companion.
Chapter 81
The Threat
Sir Lulworth Quayne recounts to his nephew the story of how the Suffragette movement, after a series of failed protests involving parrots and art destruction, adopted a new strategy suggested by Waldo Orpington: instead of destruction, they would create multiple replicas of the Victoria Memorial on private land, threatening to blight the landscape and drive the public mad. The threat of this aesthetic terror forces Parliament to pass a law banning commemorative statuary near public highways, which Sir Lulworth ironically calls 'one of the most glorious measures of the century.'
Chapter 82
The Comments of Moung Ka
Moung Ka, a Burmese rice cultivator and philosopher, discusses world events with his friends Moung Thwa and Moung Shoogalay. He contrasts the Indian Government's annulment of the partition of Bengal, which considered the people's wishes, with the British Government's decision to partition Britain without consulting the people, highlighting the hypocrisy of democratic rhetoric.
Chapter 83
The Phantom Luncheon
Lady Drakmanton, pressured by her husband Sir James to entertain the Smithly-Dubb sisters for political reasons, devises a trick to avoid the social obligation. She disguises her appearance, invites the sisters to an expensive lunch at the Carlton, and then feigns amnesia, claiming she is not Lady Drakmanton but a brass-polishing guild worker named Ellen Niggle. The Smithly-Dubbs are left to pay the bill and are so traumatized that they abandon politics for charity work.
Chapter 84
The Yarkand Manner
Sir Lulworth Quayne recounts to his nephew the bizarre tale of a newspaper staff that trekked to Eastern Turkestan, only to be captured by brigands. The office-boy, left in charge, suppressed the ransom letter, forged salaries, wrote inflammatory foreign policy articles, and maintained the paper's operations for months until the captives were quietly ransomed and returned.
Chapter 85
Laura
Laura, facing death, tells Amanda she believes she will be reincarnated as an otter due to her petty and vindictive behavior in life, particularly toward Amanda's husband Egbert. After Laura dies, an otter begins attacking Egbert's prized chickens and garden, leading to a hunt that kills a female otter with a strangely human look. Amanda becomes increasingly disturbed, and later, while traveling in Egypt, Egbert is tormented by a naked brown Nubian boy who throws his shirts into the bath, leaving Amanda seriously ill.
Chapter 86
The She-Wolf
Leonard Bilsiter, a pretentious dabbler in Siberian magic, arrives at a house-party where his claims of supernatural powers are met with skepticism and mockery. Clovis Sangrail, having secretly arranged to borrow a tame she-wolf from Lord Pabham, orchestrates a prank during which Mary Hampton disappears into the conservatory and a wolf appears in her place. The guests panic, believing Bilsiter has transformed her, but Clovis later reveals he used Siberian magic to stage the illusion, leaving Bilsiter humiliated and the mystery resolved when Mary reappears from the game larder.
Chapter 87
The Boar-Pig
Matilda Cuvering, a mischievous thirteen-year-old, deliberately releases a large boar-pig into a paddock to trap Mrs. Stossen and her daughter, who are sneaking into a garden party uninvited. She then extorts money from them for the Fresh Air Fund before luring the pig away with rotten medlars.
Chapter 88
Shock Tactics
Bertie Heasant is frustrated that his mother opens all his letters, preventing his girlfriend Ella from writing to him. His friend Clovis Sangrail devises a plan to teach Mrs. Heasant a lesson by sending a series of spoof letters from a fictitious 'Clotilde,' hinting at jewels, murder, and suicide. Mrs. Heasant falls for the hoax, causing a family uproar. When the truth is revealed, Bertie uses the incident to extract a promise from his mother never to open his letters again.
Chapter 89
The Lull
Mrs. Durmot invites the election-weary candidate Latimer Springfield for a restful Sunday, but her niece Vera orchestrates a chaotic night by pretending a flood has occurred, forcing Latimer to share his room with a pig and a gamecock, thus preventing him from working on his political speeches.
Chapter 90
The Romancers
Morton Crosby, sitting in Hyde Park, is approached by a persistent beggar who tries to elicit sympathy and a loan. Crosby deflects each attempt with elaborate fictions about his Afghan heritage and the customs of the fictional town of Yom, ultimately refusing the loan by claiming that Afghan November has already begun.
Chapter 91
The Cupboard of the Yesterdays
A Wanderer and a Merchant discuss the destructive nature of modern war, particularly in the Balkans, lamenting the loss of picturesque chaos and adventure as civilization encroaches on the region.
Chapter 92
The Purple of the Balkan Kings
Luitpold Wolkenstein, a self-important Viennese financier and café-oracle, reads a newspaper article reporting the fall of Kirk Kilisseh and Kumanovo to the Balkan allies. Accustomed to dismissing the Balkan States as insignificant and deferring to the Great Powers, he is shaken by the realization that the small nations have achieved a military victory that challenges the authority of the Great Powers. The article warns that the Balkan peoples, having tasted victory, will no longer accept subordination, and Wolkenstein feels his world of big purses and big threats shrink as he confronts a force he cannot comprehend.
Chapter 93
The Hen
Clovis Sangrail devises a scheme to force Jane Martlet to leave his mother's house before the arrival of Dora Bittholz, with whom Jane has a bitter quarrel over a hen. He convinces Jane that the butler Sturridge has a dangerous delusion that she is Queen Anne and intends to kill her, ultimately using a sword to frighten her into fleeing.
Chapter 94
A Touch of Realism
At a Christmas house party, Lady Blonze introduces a game where each guest must adopt a character. The game quickly descends into chaos as Bertie van Tahn invades Waldo Plubley's room in search of his 'lost sheep,' and Cyril Skatterly and Vera Durmot abandon the Klammersteins on a remote moor, impersonating Ferdinand and Isabella deporting the Jews. The party becomes a scandalous success, generating much talk and correspondence.
Chapter 95
The Wolves of Cernogratz
At a gathering in the castle, the old governess Amalie reveals she is actually a von Cernogratz and corrects the local legend about wolves howling at the death of a family member. The Baron and Baroness dismiss her claim, but when she falls fatally ill, wolves indeed howl and a tree falls, fulfilling the prophecy as she dies with a sense of belonging.
Chapter 96
The Dreamer
Adela Chemping takes her nephew Cyprian on a shopping expedition during a sale at Walpurgis and Nettlepink's. Cyprian, a dreamy boy who goes hatless, is mistaken for a shop assistant and sells a handbag to a customer, much to his aunt's dismay.
Chapter 97
The Quince Tree
Vera tells her aunt, Mrs. Bebberly Cumble, that old Betsy Mullen is behind on her rent and may have to move from her cottage with a beloved quince tree. To prevent this, Vera fabricates a story that stolen jewels are hidden in Betsy's cottage, implicating Mrs. Lamper and Cuthbert, the aunt's prospective son-in-law. Mrs. Bebberly Cumble is persuaded to keep quiet, and Betsy gets to stay rent-free with benefits. Vera later reveals to a friend that she invented the entire tale.
Chapter 98
The Feast of Nemesis
Clovis proposes to his aunt, Mrs. Thackenbury, the idea of a 'Nemesis Day'—a day dedicated to expressing vindictiveness toward those one dislikes, in contrast to the forced goodwill of Christmas and other holidays. He suggests various mischievous acts, such as digging up a neighbor's tennis court, losing a disliked guest's lunch on a picnic, or luring Waldo Plubley into a wasp-infested hammock. Mrs. Thackenbury is initially hesitant but begins to see the appeal.
Chapter 99
Cousin Teresa
Basset Harrowcluff returns home after four years of colonial service, only to find his half-brother Lucas obsessed with trivial pursuits. Lucas invents a music-hall song and dance routine called 'Cousin Teresa,' which unexpectedly becomes a massive popular success, leading to Lucas being considered for a knighthood.
Chapter 100
The Byzantine Omelette
Sophie Chattel-Monkheim, a wealthy Socialist, faces a household crisis when her servants strike in protest of her hiring Gaspare, a strikebreaker and omelette specialist. Despite her political convictions, she prioritizes impressing the Duke of Syria with a Byzantine omelette, leading to a comedic standoff that ultimately leaves her socially isolated and health-broken.
Chapter 101
The Forbidden Buzzards
Clovis helps his friend Hugo Peterby by spreading a lie to their hostess, Mrs. Olston, that the wealthy Mr. Lanner is a fanatical egg-collector intent on raiding the nest of rare rough-legged buzzards on her property. This ruse prompts Mrs. Olston to keep Lanner constantly occupied with tours and companions, thwarting both his courtship of Betty Coulterneb and any threat to the birds. In the end, Lanner leaves early, Hugo fails to propose, and the buzzards' young are later shot by a local hairdresser.
Chapter 102
The Stake
Mrs. Attray confides in Eleanor Saxelby about her son Ronnie's compulsive gambling, detailing her efforts to curb his habit by cutting off his allowance and securing his valuables. Despite her precautions, Ronnie gambles away the family cook in a baccarat game at the Norridrums', leading to a disastrous luncheon and further conflict.
Chapter 103
Clovis on Parental Responsibilities
Clovis engages in a conversation with Mrs. Eggelby, who is obsessed with praising her children's perfections. Clovis, unimpressed, challenges her views on parenting, card games, and the triviality of remembering important versus unimportant facts, leading to a frosty departure.
Chapter 104
The Brogue
The Mullet family finally sells their troublesome horse, the Brogue, to wealthy Mr. Penricarde, who is simultaneously courting Jessie Mullet. Fearing the horse will injure or alienate the prospective husband, the family schemes to prevent him from riding it. Their plans fail, and Penricarde has a minor accident, but he ultimately gives the horse to Jessie as a wedding gift, demonstrating either ignorance or a clever sense of humor.
Chapter 105
The Almanac
Vera Durmot proposes to Clovis the idea of compiling a local almanac of vague, safe predictions to make a comfortable income. They discuss various forecasts that are likely to come true, such as servant troubles, bad luck at golf, and a vicar's sermon. The almanac is a success, with most predictions fulfilling themselves or being interpreted as such. However, Vera worries about a specific prediction regarding Jocelyn Vanner's safety in the hunting field, which has not come true. Clovis later fabricates a story about being involved in a Balkan revolution and carrying compromising documents, warning Jocelyn that a mysterious man is after him and might target her as well. Frightened, Jocelyn flees into the undergrowth, and the incident boosts the almanac's sales.
Chapter 106
A Housing Problem
Mrs. Duff-Chubleigh is in a social dilemma when Bobbie Chermbacon insults the marchioness, calling her a 'moth-eaten old hen,' causing her to threaten to leave. However, Bobbie is a wealthy potential match for Mrs. Duff-Chubleigh's daughter Margaret, so she cannot simply send him away. Mrs. Pallitson offers to host Bobbie and Margaret at her house until the marchioness leaves, but soon faces a similar problem when Bobbie offends the Bishop of Sokotra. The two women argue over the telephone, each unwilling to take Bobbie back, and ultimately Bobbie and the marchioness leave together by train. Bobbie later marries the widowed marchioness.
Chapter 107
The Oversight
Lady Prowche, anxious to avoid social feuds during her husband's work on 'Land-Tenure in Turkestan,' meticulously plans a harmonious house party by screening guests for potential conflicts. She enlists Lena Luddleford to secretly poll two guests, Atkinson and Marcus Popham, on vivisection to ensure agreement. The poll shows both oppose animal experiments, so invitations are sent. However, at the party, the two men violently quarrel and come to blows over a completely unforeseen issue: one is Pro-Greek and the other Pro-Bulgar.
Chapter 108
The Hedgehog
At a Rectory garden party, a group of young people play tennis under the critical gaze of four ladies, including the quarrelsome Mrs. Dole and Mrs. Hatch-Mallard. The conversation turns to ghosts at Exwood, the house Mrs. Norbury rents from Mrs. Hatch-Mallard. Mrs. Norbury's guest, Ada Bleek, a clairvoyant, hopes to see a ghost. Despite the Norburys' efforts to steer her toward the ghost of Mrs. Hatch-Mallard's uncle, Ada instead sees a monstrous white hedgehog, which she believes is the ghost of Nicholas Herison. To prevent her from reporting it, Hugo Norbury claims it is a stuffed albino hedgehog used as a prank, thus preserving the lease and ending Ada's friendship.
Chapter 109
The Storyteller
On a hot train journey, a bachelor tells a group of children a subversive story about a 'horribly good' girl named Bertha who is devoured by a wolf because her medals for obedience and good behavior clink and give away her hiding place. The story delights the children but horrifies their aunt, who considers it improper.
Chapter 110
A Holiday Task
Kenelm Jerton, a self-conscious young man, meets a woman at a hotel who claims to have lost her memory and identity. She borrows money from him and tricks him into guarding stolen luggage before slipping away. Jerton later learns from a passerby that she is actually Mrs. Stroope, a golf champion known for feigning memory loss, and the rightful owner of the luggage confronts the hotel staff.
Chapter 111
Fur
Suzanne and Eleanor conspire to manipulate their wealthy cousin Bertram Kneyght into buying Suzanne an expensive fur stole for her birthday, but their plan backfires when Eleanor secretly secures the fur for herself, causing a rift in their friendship.
Chapter 112
The Lumber Room
Nicholas, a clever and mischievous boy, is punished by his aunt and excluded from a trip to the beach. While his aunt guards the gooseberry garden, expecting him to try to enter, Nicholas instead retrieves a key and explores the forbidden lumber-room, discovering a world of treasures and imagination. When his aunt falls into a rainwater tank and calls for help, Nicholas cleverly pretends to mistake her for the Devil, refusing to assist until it is too late. The chapter ends with a silent tea, where the aunt's punitive expedition has failed and Nicholas revels in his imaginative victory.
Chapter 113
A Sacrifice to Necessity
Mrs. Pevenly enjoys a tranquil morning at Chopehanger, but her peace is shattered when her daughter Beryl reveals she has lost over a thousand pounds at baccarat to Ashcombe Gwent. Facing financial and social ruin, Beryl discloses that Ashcombe is not interested in her but is infatuated with Mrs. Pevenly herself. To settle the debt, Mrs. Pevenly reluctantly agrees to marry Ashcombe, a sacrifice to necessity.
Chapter 114
The Elk
Mrs. Thropplestance, a wealthy and domineering old woman, controls her grandson Bertie's marriage prospects. During a Christmas house party, Dora Yonelet's mother tries to engineer a match between Dora and Bertie. After Bertie rescues Dora from the family elk, Mrs. Yonelet hopes this will secure the match, but Mrs. Thropplestance reveals that Bertie has rescued several women from the elk before. The vicar's wife reveals that Mrs. Thropplestance actually intends Bertie to marry the Bickelbys' German governess, a combative woman. Ultimately, the elk kills the governess, thwarting Mrs. Thropplestance's plan, and Dora later marries Bertie after Mrs. Thropplestance's death.
Chapter 115
A Defensive Diamond
Treddleford, a club member, uses increasingly absurd and elaborate lies to fend off the conversational advances of Amblecope, a tedious bore. After a series of tall tales about his aunt's pheasant hunt, his uncle's trout fishing, and his sister's camel adventure, Treddleford ultimately declares himself 'the club Liar' to claim precedence over Amblecope, who is merely 'the club Bore.'
Chapter 116
The Stalled Ox
Theophil Eshley, a painter of placid dairy cows, is called upon by his neighbor Adela Pingsford to remove a large, unruly ox that has wandered into her garden. Despite his lack of practical experience, Eshley attempts to drive the beast out, but it escapes into her morning-room, where it begins eating the flowers and a book. Frustrated by Adela's demands and her refusal to let him paint the scene, Eshley instead sets up his easel and paints the ox in the morning-room. The incident becomes the turning point in his career: his painting 'Ox in a Morning-Room, Late Autumn' is a success at the Paris Salon and later bought by the Bavarian Government, while his relationship with Adela remains unreconciled.
Chapter 117
Canossa
Demosthenes Platterbaff, an Unrest Inducer, is tried for blowing up the Albert Hall on the eve of a political Tango Tea. Despite his clear guilt, the government fears losing a by-election if he is imprisoned. The jury adds a rider about the pending election, but the judge sentences him to a week. The government scrambles to release him before the poll opens, but Platterbaff refuses to leave prison without a brass band. Amid a musicians' strike, ministers and officials improvise a band using prison warders' instruments, playing a popular tune to secure his release. Despite their efforts, the seat is lost due to local Trade Unionist anger over strikebreaking.
Chapter 118
The Name-Day
John James Abbleway, a timid Englishman working in Vienna, travels by train to Fiume to meet his fiancée. A snowstorm causes the train to break apart, leaving his carriage stranded in a forest. He shares the compartment with a peasant woman who calmly exploits the emergency by selling him food at inflated prices, claiming her name-day protects her from wolves. When wolves approach, she reveals they are her cousin's dogs, and a relief engine arrives.
Chapter 119
A Shot in the Dark
Philip Sletherby travels to Brill Manor to court the favor of Mrs. Saltpen-Jago, a politically influential hostess. On the train, a young man claiming to be her second son, Bertie, asks for a loan after supposedly losing his purse. Sletherby grows suspicious when the youth's crest does not match the one on Mrs. Saltpen-Jago's notepaper. He traps the impostor by revealing he has actually met Mrs. Saltpen-Jago, who is blonde, not dark-haired as the youth claimed. The con artist is left behind at a station. Upon arriving at Brill, Sletherby sees the same two crests on the car door panel, realizing the deception was more elaborate than he thought.
Chapter 120
Mark
Mark Mellowkent, a novelist, is interrupted while writing his latest novel by a persistent book salesman named Caiaphas Dwelf, who tries to sell him an encyclopedia called 'Right Here.' Mellowkent, initially annoyed, turns the tables by attempting to sell his own novels to the salesman, who refuses to read fiction. The encounter ends with the salesman leaving in frustration.
Chapter 121
Down Pens
Egbert and Janetta debate the burden of writing thank-you letters for Christmas gifts, particularly a calendar from the Froplinsons. Egbert proposes a 'Truce of God' during the festive season to eliminate obligatory correspondence, replacing it with a simple counterfoil system. Janetta is skeptical but intrigued, while they struggle to compose a letter to the Froplinsons.
Chapter 122
The Philanthropist and the Happy Cat
Jocantha Bessbury, feeling serenely happy and contented with her luxurious life, decides to play the 'Fairy Godmother' by buying a theatre ticket to give to a lonely work girl. She goes to a teashop but becomes distracted by a handsome young man named Bertie, who is absorbed in a book and ignores her attempts to attract his attention. Frustrated, she returns home, feeling discontented and bored, while her cat Attab, having killed a sparrow, remains perfectly content.
Chapter 123
On Approval
The chapter explores the story of Gebhard Knopfschrank, a Pomeranian peasant-turned-artist who frequents the Bohemian Restaurant Nuremberg in Soho. His unsold, fantastical paintings of wild animals in London streets are met with skepticism by the regulars, who debate whether he is a genius or a fraud. After a long period of financial struggle, he suddenly celebrates with a lavish meal, leading the patrons to believe he has sold his masterpiece to an American millionaire. In reality, the money comes from compensation paid by a rich American who accidentally killed his family's pigs, and Knopfschrank decides to abandon art and return to Pomerania.
Chapter 124
Hyacinth
Hyacinth, a boy with a pugnacious streak, is taken to an election campaign dressed in a sailor suit. After initially charming the opposition children with butterscotch, he later traps them in a pigsty, threatening to release a furious sow if his father loses. His scheme forces the opposing candidate to manipulate the vote count to avoid a win, ultimately leading to a chaotic and bitter aftermath.
Chapter 125
Fate
Rex Dillot, a penniless young man, relies on weekend wagers to sustain himself. He plans to bet heavily on a billiards match between young Strinnit and Major Latton, believing it a sure thing. When the match turns against him, Rex, desperate to avoid financial ruin, stages a fire rescue by setting fire to Mrs. Thundleford's skirt and carrying her into the billiard room, disrupting the game and saving himself from his debt.
Chapter 126
The Romance of Business
Margaret Sangrail entertains her nephew Clovis by recounting how she manipulated her wealthy, boastful cousin Sophie into selling her prized fur stole at a loss, using a fabricated expert and a nonexistent fur fashion to undermine Sophie's pride and secure a bargain.
Chapter 127
The Toys of Peace
Harvey Bope, encouraged by his sister Eleanor, attempts to introduce his nephews Eric and Bertie to 'peace toys'—civilian figures and models promoting peaceful, civic life—instead of traditional war toys. However, the boys quickly repurpose the toys for violent, imaginative play, reenacting a fictional military campaign with Louis XIV, demonstrating the failure of the experiment.
Chapter 128
Louis
Lena Strudwarden uses her small Pomeranian, Louis, as a tool to manipulate her husband and avoid his plans, claiming the dog cannot be left behind. Strudwarden and his sister Elsie conspire to kill Louis by constructing a gas-filled lethal chamber. When they open the box, they discover Louis was actually a mechanical toy, a clever deception by Lena and her maid to maintain control over the household. Lena returns to the news of Louis's death and is told she must accompany her husband to Vienna.
Chapter 129
The Bull
Tom Yorkfield, a farmer, nurses a long-standing but vague dislike for his half-brother Laurence, an animal painter. Tom takes Laurence to see his prized bull, Clover Fairy, expecting admiration. Instead, Laurence reveals he sold a painting of a bull for three hundred pounds, far more than the living animal is worth. Enraged by this perceived insult and Laurence's patronizing tone, Tom attacks him, and the bull tosses and injures Laurence. Tom then nurses his brother back to health, satisfied that his bull has achieved a feat no painted bull could match.
Chapter 130
The Occasional Garden
Elinor Rapsley laments her barren town garden, which is ravaged by cats and sparrows, and dreads a visit from Gwenda Pottingdon, who boasts of her own superlative garden. A baroness tells her about the Occasional-Oasis Supply Association, which provides instant, lavish gardens on demand for luncheon parties. Elinor orders a spectacular garden for Gwenda's visit, successfully outshining her rival. However, Gwenda later bursts in unannounced and discovers the garden is gone; Elinor quickly invents a story about suffragettes destroying it.
Chapter 131
The Mappined Life
In a conversation between Mrs. James Gurtleberry and her niece, the niece critiques the illusion of freedom in modern life, comparing it to the Mappin Terraces at the zoo. She argues that people, like caged animals, are trapped by lack of initiative and social conventions, living out predictable, meaningless routines. The aunt defends their conventional existence, but the niece insists that their lives are mere make-believe, devoid of real adventure or individuality.
Chapter 132
The Gala Programme
On the birthday of Emperor Placidus Superbus, a grand spectacle at the Imperial Circus is threatened by the Suffragetae, who plan to disrupt the chariot race. Despite precautions, they invade the arena, forcing the Emperor to order the wild beast combat to proceed first, resulting in a violent and chaotic outcome.
Chapter 133
Louise
Jane Thropplestance, the most absentminded woman in Middlesex, returns from an afternoon of errands and social calls only to realize she has misplaced her niece, Louise. Her sister, the Dowager Lady Beanford, presses her to remember where she left her. Jane recalls various stops—including the Carrywoods', Ada Spelvexit's, Mornay's—but cannot pinpoint Louise's location. After a humorous telephone call to Lord Carrywood, who mistakes Louise for the opera, and further speculation about Harrod's or Selfridge's, a footman reveals that Louise has been upstairs all afternoon reading to the kitchenmaid. The chapter satirizes Jane's absentmindedness and the trivial concerns of the upper class.
Chapter 134
The Guests
Annabel and Matilda discuss the tranquility of their rural surroundings, with Matilda recounting a chaotic experience in India involving an unexpected visit from a Bishop, a flood, and a leopard that took refuge in the Bishop's bedroom.
Chapter 135
The East Wing
In the early hours of a February morning, a fire breaks out in the east wing of a country house. The guests, including Lucien Wattleskeat, Major Boventry, and Canon Clore, discuss the fire and the futility of action. Their hostess, Mrs. Gramplain, reveals that her 'daughter' Eva is trapped in the flames, but she later admits Eva is an imaginary daughter she created and painted. Lucien and the Major ultimately sacrifice themselves to save the nonexistent Eva, while the Canon interprets the event as a catalyst for women's suffrage. The butler reveals the fire was accidental, and the fire brigade arrives too late.
Chapter 136
Morlvera
Two impoverished children, Emmeline and Bert, observe a lavishly dressed doll named Morlvera in a shop window and invent a sordid backstory for her. A wealthy mother and her sulky son Victor enter the shop, where Victor is forced to buy the doll for his cousin Bertha. As they leave, Victor callously tosses the doll under the car's wheels, destroying it. Emmeline later speculates that Victor was actually Morlvera's abandoned son returning for revenge.
Chapter 137
Tea
James Cushat-Prinkly, a young man pressured by his family to marry, decides to propose to Joan Sebastable. En route, he detests the ritual of afternoon tea and instead visits his cousin Rhoda Ellam. During a relaxed, unconventional tea, he spontaneously proposes to Rhoda, who accepts. He returns home to announce his engagement, disappointing his family's matchmaking plans. Later, after their honeymoon, Rhoda serves him tea in the conventional manner he once despised.
Chapter 138
A Bread and Butter Miss
During a house party for Derby week, Lola Pevensey claims to have dreamed of the winner, 'Bread and Butter,' two nights in a row. The guests try to interpret the dream to place bets, but Lola's vague details and subsequent insomnia lead them to split their bets between Nursery Tea and Le Five O'Clock. When the race is won by Whitebait, Lola is blamed for not revealing that the horse in her dream was brown, which would have pointed to the actual winner.
Chapter 139
Clovis on the Alleged Romance of Business
Clovis argues that the true romance of business lies not in the businessman but in the exotic goods themselves, which were discovered by wanderers and adventurers, not by industrious clerks. He contrasts the imaginative allure of groceries with the dull, ledger-bound existence of the businessman, who buries any romance early in life.
Chapter 140
Forewarned
Alethia Debchance, a sheltered 28-year-old woman, leaves her secluded life at Webblehinton to visit her cousin Robert Bludward and his mother. On the train, she overhears two men denouncing Robert as a corrupt and unscrupulous man, and reads a scathing local newspaper article confirming his villainy. Horrified, she fabricates an excuse to leave immediately, returning home with a newfound appreciation for the dangers of the world outside her novels.
Chapter 141
For the Duration of the War
The Rev. Wilfrid Gaspilton moves from a fashionable London parish to a rural one in Yondershire, where both he and his wife Beryl struggle to adapt. Beryl occupies herself with translating a French novel, while Wilfrid, bored and isolated, fabricates a literary fraud: he publishes Persian verses supposedly by a poet named Ghurab, translated by a nephew serving in Mesopotamia. The verses become a sensation, and Wilfrid uses military secrecy to avoid revealing the truth, temporarily eclipsing his wife's literary efforts.
Chapter 142
Endnotes
The chapter consists of endnotes, including a reference to an actual extract from a London paper of March 1914 and a note indicating something was written at the Front.
