The Story of My Experiments with Truth · Chapter
My Father’s Death and My Double Shame explained
In his sixteenth year, Gandhi recounts the period of his father's final illness, during which he served as a devoted nurse.
What happens
In his sixteenth year, Gandhi recounts the period of his father's final illness, during which he served as a devoted nurse. However, he confesses to a deep shame: his mind was consumed by carnal desire for his pregnant wife, Kasturbai, even at the moment of his father's death. He left his father's bedside to be with her, and his father died in the care of his uncle. Gandhi reflects on this as a moral failure, a 'double shame' compounded by the subsequent death of his newborn child after only a few days.
Themes in this chapter
Self-Discipline and Simplicity
Gandhi reflects on his failure to control his carnal desires, contrasting his ideal of self-discipline with his actual behavior during his father's final hours.
Family and Personal Relationships
The chapter centers on Gandhi's relationship with his father and wife, highlighting his sense of duty and subsequent guilt over prioritizing lust over filial devotion.
Characters to notice
- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
The narrator, a sixteen-year-old student and devoted son, who feels deep shame for his lustful thoughts and actions during his father's final illness.
- Kasturbai Gandhi
Gandhi's pregnant wife, who is fast asleep when he comes to the bedroom on the night of his father's death.
- Kaba Gandhi
Gandhi's father, bedridden with a fistula, who dies while Gandhi is away from his bedside.
Key passages
“Every night whilst my hands were busy massaging my father’s legs, my mind was hovering about the bedroom—and that too at a time when religion, medical science and common sense alike forbade sexual intercourse.”
While I performed my nightly duty of massaging my father's legs, my thoughts were consumed by desire for my wife, even though all moral and practical wisdom condemned such thoughts at that time.
Gandhi confesses his internal conflict between duty and lust.
“I saw that, if animal passion had not blinded me, I should have been spared the torture of separation from my father during his last moments.”
I realized that if I had not been overcome by lust, I would not have suffered the agony of being absent when my father died.
Gandhi's regret over missing his father's final moments due to his own desires.