Getting Married · Chapter
The Personal Sentimental Basis of Monogamy explained
Shaw argues that true monogamy rests on a sentimental, intimate bond that cannot be shared among three people, contrasting it with mere legal or farmyard conceptions of marriage.
What happens
Shaw argues that true monogamy rests on a sentimental, intimate bond that cannot be shared among three people, contrasting it with mere legal or farmyard conceptions of marriage. He uses the example of Nelson and the Hamiltons to illustrate rare exceptions, and his play Candida to show that in a real marriage of sentiment, one partner must leave if a third party intrudes. He concludes that such marriages are naturally self-protecting and require rational divorce laws rather than rigid legal enforcement.
Themes in this chapter
Illusions of Romantic Love
Shaw critiques the romantic notion that a third party can be accommodated in a marriage, calling it an illusion of literary masculinity.
Critique of Marriage as an Institution
Shaw distinguishes between legal marriage and the genuine sentimental bond, arguing that the latter is naturally monogamous and needs no legal protection.
Divorce and Legal Reform
Shaw advocates for rational divorce laws to allow honorable dissolution and remarriage when a marriage of sentiment breaks under polygamous strain.
Characters to notice
- Edith
Referenced indirectly as the wife in the Candida example, though not named in the excerpt.
- Cecil Sykes
Referenced indirectly as the young man in the Candida example, though not named in the excerpt.
- The General
Not directly mentioned; placeholder for potential future reference.
Key passages
“Monogamy has a sentimental basis which is quite distinct from the political one of equal numbers of the sexes.”
True monogamy is based on emotional intimacy, not just a statistical balance of men and women.
Shaw establishes the central thesis that monogamy is a matter of sentiment, not arithmetic.
“The relationship set up by a comfortable marriage is so intimate and so persuasive of the whole life of the parties to it, that nobody has room in his or her life for more than one such relationship at a time.”
A happy marriage fills a person's emotional capacity so completely that there is no space for another equally deep bond.
Shaw argues that genuine marriage is inherently exclusive by its nature.
“When you come to the real modern marriage of sentiment, a relation is created which has never to my knowledge been shared by three persons except when all three have been extraordinarily fond of one another.”
In a true marriage of love, three people can only coexist if they all have an unusually deep affection for each other.
Shaw cites the Nelson-Hamilton case as a rare exception that proves the rule.
“Sensible and experienced people always assume that when a declaration of love is made to an already married person, the declaration binds the parties in honor never to see one another again unless they contemplate divorce and remarriage.”
Wise people understand that confessing love to a married person obligates both to separate unless they plan to divorce and marry each other.
Shaw endorses a strict ethical code for handling extramarital feelings.
“In a real marriage of sentiment the wife or husband cannot be supplanted by halves; and such a marriage will break very soon under the strain of polygyny or polyandry.”
A truly loving marriage cannot tolerate partial replacement by a rival; it will quickly collapse under the pressure of multiple partners.
Shaw emphasizes the fragility of sentimental monogamy when faced with polygamy.