You Never Can Tell · Characters
Character guide
Key figures in You Never Can Tell by George Bernard Shaw.
Valentine
major
Also known as Mr. Valentine, Valentine Clandon, Valentine Astonished, Valentine Dazed, Valentine Jumping, Valentine Stiffly, Valentine Dread, Valentine Quailing, Valentine Pooh, Valentine Panting, Valentine Waiter, Valentine Gloria, Valentine Mrs. Lanfrey Clandon
A young dentist who becomes romantically entangled with Gloria Clandon.
Mrs. Clandon
major
Also known as Mrs. Clandon Shocked, Mrs. Clandon Horrified, Mrs. Clandon Wounded, Mrs. Clandon Rising, Mrs. Clandon Dolly, Mrs. Clandon Affectionately, Mrs. Clandon Gloria, Mrs. Clandon Half rising, Mrs. Clandon Nothing, Mrs. Clandon Finch, Mrs. Clandon Urgently, Mrs. Clandon William, the celebrated Mrs. Lanfrey Clandon, Mrs. Lanfrey Clandon
A progressive author and mother of Gloria and Dolly, estranged from her husband.
Gloria Clandon
major
Also known as Gloria, Gloria Advancing, Gloria Rising, Gloria Unmoved, Gloria Dread, Gloria White, Gloria Angrily, Gloria Coldly, Gloria Hastily, Gloria Proudly, Gloria Nervously, Gloria Puzzled, Gloria Nagging, Gloria Weakness, Miss Gloria, Gloria Mr. Crampton, Gloria Flushing, Valentine Gloria, Gloria Phil
Eldest daughter of Mrs. Clandon, intelligent and independent, courted by Valentine.
Mr. Crampton
major
Also known as Crampton, Mr. Fergus Crampton, Fergus, Mister Crampton, Crampton Wildly, Crampton Angrily, Crampton Terrified, Crampton Angry, Crampton Amused, Crampton Grimly, Crampton Sarcastically, Crampton Growling, Crampton Ha, Crampton Mr. Bohun, a Mrs. Crampton, Mr. Crampton Miss Dorothy Clandon
Estranged father of Gloria and Dolly, a gruff and emotional man seeking reconciliation.
Dolly Clandon
major
Also known as Dolly, Philip To Dolly, Dolly Cured, Doll, Dolly Unexpectedly, Dolly Vacantly, Dolly Eagerly, Dolly Delighted, Dolly Touching Crampton, Dolly Chalkstones, Dolly Who, Dolly Mum, Dolly Valentine, Dolly Ahah, Dolly The, Dearest Dolly, Dolly Madeira, Dolly Cloth, Dolly Echoing, Miss Dolly
Younger daughter of Mrs. Clandon, lively and mischievous, often teasing others.
Philip McComas
supporting
Also known as Philip, Phil, Philip Rising, Philip Dolly, Philip Mr. McComas, Stopping Phil, Philip Finch, Finch, Philip The band, Finch my Finch, Philip Maturely, Philip Well, Philip Sh, Philip Significantly, Philip William, Philip Delighted, Philip Twentieth Century Creeds, Philip Apologetic, Philip Striking, Philip Beauty
Son of McComas, a young man who flirts with Dolly and later becomes a lawyer.
Finch McComas
supporting
Also known as McComas, McComas Gravely, McComas Outraged, McComas Crampton, McComas Remember, McComas Rising, Mr. McComas, McComas Miss Gloria, McComas Embarrassed, McComas To Gloria, McComas Offended, McComas Democracy, Bohun McComas, Waiter Mr. McComas
A family friend and solicitor, caught between the Clandons and Crampton.
Mr. Bohun
supporting
Also known as Bohun, Bohun Drowning, Bohun Rising, Bohun Nailing Valentine, Bohun McComas, Mr. Boon, Boon, Bohun
A barrister who mediates the family dispute with legal flair.
Waiter
supporting
Also known as Waiter Mr. McComas, Waiter Smiling, Waiter Entering, Waiter Serving Gloria, Waiter Delicately, Waiter Cheerfully, Waiter Brokenly, Waiter Pleading, Valentine Waiter, I. Waiter Brokenly
A philosophical waiter at the seaside restaurant who observes the characters.
William
minor
Also known as William, Father William, Father, Philip William, Mrs. Clandon William
The Clandon family's elderly servant, loyal and practical.
Sophronia
minor
Also known as Sophronia
A maid in the Clandon household, briefly mentioned.
Old Chalice
minor
Also known as Old Chalice
A minor character referenced in passing.
The Young Lady
minor
Also known as The Young Lady, The Young Lady Hm
An unnamed young woman at the restaurant.
The First Officer
minor
Also known as the first officer, The first officer
A naval officer briefly present at the restaurant.
Walter
minor
Also known as Walter
A servant or waiter mentioned in the play.
