# XXV: Marriage or Not explained — Women in Love

> Chapter companion for Women in Love by D. H. Lawrence.

## What happens

Birkin and Gerald debate the nature and value of marriage, with Birkin arguing against the conventional 'love-and-marriage' ideal and advocating for a broader, more sacred relationship between men as well. Gerald, though attracted to Birkin's vision, feels unable to commit to it and sees marriage as a kind of doom. Meanwhile, Ursula delays setting a date with Birkin, and Gerald proposes a double wedding with Gudrun, leading to further philosophical discussion about the meaning and finality of marriage.

## Themes in this chapter

### Critique of Love and Marriage

Birkin explicitly challenges the pedestal of love-and-marriage, calling it repulsive and advocating for a broader, more sacred union.

### Male-Female Polarity and Power

The chapter explores the power dynamics and existential choices in male-female relationships, with Gerald feeling condemned by marriage.

### Human Connection and Isolation

Birkin's vision of a pure relationship between men contrasts with the isolating 'home instinct' and the privacy of couples.

## Character check-ins

### Rupert Birkin

Argues against the traditional love-and-marriage ideal, advocating for a broader relationship that includes a sacred bond between men.

### Gerald Crich

Wrestles with the idea of marriage, seeing it as a doom yet feeling unable to accept Birkin's alternative of a pure relationship with another man.

### Ursula Brangwen

Deferred from day to day in setting a marriage date with Birkin, still wavering.

### Gudrun Brangwen

Gerald proposes a double wedding with her and Ursula, but she is not directly featured in the excerpts.

## Key lines

> You've got to take down the love-and-marriage ideal from its pedestal. We want something broader. I believe in the additional perfect relationship between man and man—additional to marriage.

Birkin insists that society must stop idolizing romantic marriage and instead embrace a wider range of sacred bonds, including deep friendships between men.

_Central to Birkin's philosophy in this chapter._

> Marriage was like a doom to him. He was willing to condemn himself in marriage, to become like a convict condemned to the mines of the underworld, living no life in the sun, but having a dreadful subterranean activity.

Gerald views marriage as a form of damnation, a life sentence to a shadowy existence without true vitality.

_Reveals Gerald's inner conflict and despair about marrying._

> If he pledged himself with the man he would later be able to pledge himself with the woman: not merely in legal marriage, but in absolute, mystic marriage.

Birkin suggests that a prior sacred commitment between men would enable a deeper, mystical union with a woman, beyond legal formalities.

_Highlights Birkin's ideal of layered, transcendent relationships._

## Links

- HTML: https://www.betterreads.online/discover/women_in_love_se/chapters/xxv-marriage-or-not
- Book: https://www.betterreads.online/discover/women_in_love_se
- All chapters: https://www.betterreads.online/discover/women_in_love_se/chapters