# III: Disturbing Thoughts explained — My Disillusionment in Russia

> Chapter companion for My Disillusionment in Russia by Emma Goldman.

## What happens

The narrator grapples with growing doubts about the Bolshevik regime, seeking guidance from Maxim Gorky. Two meetings with Gorky prove unsatisfactory, leaving the narrator more unsettled. Observations of inequality, privilege, and corruption—including the disparity in rations, black market dealings, and the Cheka's involvement—deepen the narrator's inner conflict between blaming external forces and recognizing internal flaws in the revolution.

## Themes in this chapter

### Disillusionment with Revolution

The narrator's growing doubts about Bolshevism, fueled by inequality, corruption, and Gorky's unsatisfactory responses, mark a deepening disillusionment.

### State Power vs. Individual Freedom

The Cheka's control, privilege of officials, and suppression of dissent illustrate the tension between state authority and personal liberty.

### Betrayal of Revolutionary Ideals

The disparity in rations, black market dealings, and the servants' resentment reveal how revolutionary equality is betrayed by the new ruling class.

## Character check-ins

### Unknown Narrator

The narrator struggles with moral doubts, seeks answers from Gorky, and witnesses inequality and corruption firsthand.

### Maxim Gorky

Gorky appears weary and evasive; his changed views on Bolshevism and his defense of isolating 'morally defective' children disappoint the narrator.

### Karl Radek

Radek assists the narrator in Moscow, offering hospitality and a room at the Hotel National, highlighting the privileges of Bolshevik officials.

### Zinoviev

Zinoviev is mentioned indirectly through his servant's request for vinegar, sparking outrage among working women over inequality.

### Demyan Bedny

Bedny travels with the narrator to Moscow but disappears upon arrival, leaving the narrator stranded at the station.

## Key lines

> I began to suspect that the reason for much of the evil was also within Russia, not only outside of it.

The narrator starts to believe that internal problems, not just external enemies, are causing Russia's suffering.

_This marks a turning point in the narrator's perception of the Bolshevik regime._

> The inequality was most apparent in the Astoria kitchen. I went there frequently, though it was torture to prepare a meal: the savage scramble for an inch of space on the stove, the greedy watching of the women lest anyone have something extra in the saucepan, the quarrels and screams when someone fished out a piece of meat from the pot of a neighbour!

The kitchen at the Astoria Hotel vividly showed the brutal competition for scarce food, highlighting the class divide even among revolutionaries.

_This scene illustrates the daily struggle and resentment caused by inequality._

> I felt that kindliness, sympathy, and solidarity were still alive in Russia.

Despite the hardships, the narrator finds comfort in the genuine hospitality shown by Radek and his wife.

_This moment offers a brief counterpoint to the narrator's growing disillusionment._

## Links

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