# V explained — Memoirs of a Midget > Chapter companion for Memoirs of a Midget by Walter de la Mare. ## What happens The narrator reflects on her father's death and her refusal to see his body, then recounts her godmother Miss Fenne's visit and offer of a home. She rejects the offer, choosing instead to move to Mrs. Bowater's house in London, a decision she never regrets despite the risks. ## Themes in this chapter ### Solitude and Self-Discovery The narrator chooses isolation and independence over the safety of her godmother's home, reflecting a journey toward self-definition. ### Deception and Self-Deception The narrator admits to being 'double-minded' and acknowledges her own pride and stubbornness, while also recognizing the self-deception in others' complaints about Providence. ### Mortality and Memory The narrator reflects on her father's death, the funeral, and the choice to remember the living face rather than the dead, exploring how memory shapes grief. ## Character check-ins ### Unknown (Narrator) Reflects on her father's death, her stubbornness, and her decision to reject Miss Fenne's offer, choosing independence. ### Miss Fenne The narrator's godmother who visits after the father's death, offers a home, and later writes a letter arranging for the narrator to live with Mrs. Bowater. ### Pollie The narrator's servant who is asked to keep Miss Fenne away and later escorts the narrator to Mrs. Bowater's. ### Mrs. Bowater A respectable servant of Mr. Ambrose Pellew who agrees to board the narrator for thirty shillings a week. ### Mr. Ambrose Pellew An old clergyman friend of Miss Fenne who recommends Mrs. Bowater as a suitable home for the narrator. ### Mr. Wagginhorne The old painter who painted the narrator's portrait and warned her against being a cynic. ## Key lines > Am I sorry that almost beside myself with this new affliction, and bewildered and frightened by the incessant coming and going of strangers in the house, I refused to be carried down to bid that unanswering face goodbye? No, I have no regret on that score. I do not regret refusing to see my father's dead body, despite my grief and confusion. _The narrator justifies her choice to avoid the funeral, emphasizing her preference for memories of the living._ > If phantoms of memory have any reality—and it is wiser, I think, to remember the face of the living rather than the stony peace of the dead—he has not forgotten his only daughter. I believe it is better to remember people as they were alive, and I trust my father still remembers me. _The narrator reflects on the nature of memory and its connection to the dead._ > Double-minded creature I was and ever shall be; now puffed up with arrogance at the differences between myself and gross, common-sized humanity; now stupidly sensitive to the pangs to which by reason of these differences I have to submit. I am contradictory: proud of my uniqueness yet painfully aware of the suffering it causes me. _The narrator acknowledges her own internal conflict about her dwarfism._ > But I must beware. Partly from fatigue and partly from dislike of the version of Miss M. that stared out of his picture at me, I had begun, I remember, to be a little fretful when old Mr. Wagginhorne was painting my portrait. I was tired and unhappy with the portrait, which made me irritable during the sitting. _The narrator recalls her dissatisfaction with Mr. Wagginhorne's painting of her._ > That is why I am trying as fast as I can to put down my experiences in black and white before the black predominates. I am writing my story quickly before despair overtakes me. _The narrator explains her motivation for writing the memoir._ > But though possibly inquiry was made after the small creature that had been left behind, I stubbornly shut myself away in my room under the roof, listening in a fever of apprehension to every sinister movement in the house beneath. I isolated myself in my attic room, anxiously listening to the sounds of the house after my father's death. _The narrator describes her withdrawal and fear during the period of mourning._ > Yet if a friend in need is a friend indeed, then I must confess that my treatment of Miss Fenne was the height of ingratitude. I admit I was ungrateful to Miss Fenne, who was a true friend in my time of need. _The narrator acknowledges her poor treatment of her godmother._ > But it was my soul, if that is brother to the spirit and can be neighbour to pride, that revolted against her proposition. My soul rebelled against the idea of living with Miss Fenne, even if that rebellion was prideful. _The narrator explains her refusal of Miss Fenne's offer as a matter of spiritual independence._ > Poor Miss Fenne. Her resentment at my refusal seemed to increase her shortness of sight. Miss Fenne's anger at my refusal made her even more short-sighted, both literally and figuratively. _The narrator observes the effect of her rejection on her godmother._ > For a moment my resolution seemed to flow away like water, and I all but surrendered. But a rook cawed close overhead, and I bit my lip. I almost gave in to Miss Fenne's offer, but the sound of a rook's call reminded me to stay firm. _The narrator describes a moment of near-surrender and the external cue that strengthened her resolve._ > I trust that you will be as happy there as Providence permits, though I cannot doubt that your poor dear mother and your poor father, too, for that matter, would have wished otherwise I hope you will be happy, though your parents would have preferred you to live with me. _Miss Fenne's letter expresses her disapproval of the narrator's choice._ > My body, perhaps also my soul, would have been safer in the seclusion of my godmother's house. But my spirit? I think it would have beaten itself to death there like a wasp on a windowpane. Living with Miss Fenne might have kept me safe, but my spirit would have been crushed by the confinement. _The narrator justifies her decision by valuing spiritual freedom over physical safety._ ## Links - HTML: https://www.betterreads.online/discover/memoirs_of_a_midget_se/chapters/v - Book: https://www.betterreads.online/discover/memoirs_of_a_midget_se - All chapters: https://www.betterreads.online/discover/memoirs_of_a_midget_se/chapters